"F.G., you are right, I should have had a plan on how to react before I walked through the door. and there were moments (at least a dozen) where my brain told me to leave the room, go to bed, cut off the conversation, but I just kept getting sucked back in by his responses. However, if I hadn't blown up, I don't think he would have agreed to try to figure this out. He will never be able to figure it out on his own and he will ruin our family in the process. I really believe that MC intervention is the only way for him to get past all the *&%( that he has hidden inside over the years."
But pressuring someone into doing it is not going to have the results you want either. The idea that I try to convey to people is your interactions should be almost "emotionless". He very well could have the thought that he will go to MC and stir things up.. get you to rant again.. then he can say "See what I am dealing with?" The idea is you want people to come to you. This is why you see a lot of talk about when you are first dating someone. When you first meet someone the "chase" is easy. It is the idea that you both want to be with one another and it is not "work" to do that.. it just kinda happens. From experience don't go into MC expecting it to change anything. Go and do it with a really open mind. Watch and listen. Do it with no expectations.
"About me getting into a position where I am the one who wants to file for D...I have noticed that happens on here quite a bit. What is that about? How does that happen? Is it the distancing/detaching? Or is it we just can't handle their baggage anymore and we become too strong, independent, and happy on our own?"
The stitch you are in is just caustic by nature. You can only take so much drama. If every day you came home from work and when you turned the door knob it gave you a hair raising shock.. how long would you keep doing it before you decided enough was enough? You can create healthy distance while living in the same home. I have seen signs in your posts that you are doing it with some success. Again DB'ing is about "seeing" what works and keeping that up. You are already stronger than you were.. you are already more independent than you were..
Make your home somewhere he wants to be. If he decided to leave hold the door open and tell him to come back soon. He has to want to fix it. Give him a reason to.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
