Do what I can but still have questions 3

[aeolianchaos]

That probably was very unpleasant when he did that.

I don't know how to say this without it sounding like a bummer or harsh, but that's his thing.

You are still a loving person. You are still caring and wanting to have a good relationship w/ your H. No one can take the best of who you are away from you unless you choose to let it go.

So don't think of it as him taking something from you - I know that probably sounds/feels like crazytalk right now, but it's him refusing to participate in an activity for his reasons. You can't blame yourself for his decisions.