Yes I do understand. I know you weren't suggesting that. I was more telling it to myself.
My empathy and compassion can lead me to wrong decisions. Ones where I am unaware of the costs to me.
Originally Posted By: Beatrice
I would say that in all good marriages each partner gives more than 50% if that makes sense.
My point is, it is not healthy for me to be in a relationship that is not evenly yoked.
Where there is a pervasive imbalance of love, respect, devotion to the other.
On the whole there should be mutual portions of those qualities that make healthy relationship. I recognize that there may be times where one has to lean on the other. The one must be stronger. And this has been one of those times.
Someone in crisis. Someone dealing with childhood trauma cannot do that.
Until they decide to heal themselves.
If my W tells me (and she has) that she doesn't know if she won't be the same person, act the same way again, make selfish choices...
I should believe her.
If I keep making excuses for that I am not helping her, our M or myself.
This is tough. It is a fine line between my commitment to my W and putting myself at risk if I know she is not ready for that and may never be.
I have to determine some small step toward that. Toward allowing her to express what she is afraid to express.
While at the same time letting her know that I am not the barrier or the executioner to our M.
I don't accept her walking away from this because she believes she IS her choices from this crisis.
That she IS screwed up. I won't accept that excuse.
She may believe it but it won't be reinforced by me.
I also know I cannot fix her in this regard.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
