Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[ClingingToHope]

Shoveling the drive and trying to cut up the branches that fell this summer I think was MY guilt over treating her like a pariah for the past two years.

The girls told me she actually WAS MAD when she saw the branches. She didn't like that I piled them in the back corner of the yard with other old branches she never took care of.

I was thinking about that stuff this morning. I will not do anything like that again. I think I've taken of the guilt on my side.

Funny, my emotions have swung back over to anger again towards the Ex. I was doing dishes yesterday morning and felt the bitterness. I asked myself why. What changed from the past few days.

Basically, fear. I wanted to go out Saturday night and ended up staying in because all of the friends I usually go out with were occupied. When I want to do something and can't find someone to do it with, I feel like such a failure.

Again, fear of failure drives my anger.

I have to learn to be OK with doing nothing. I have to learn to be OK to be by myself. I have to stop judging myself negatively.

Long, long, long process.