Youngster's WAW Still Chooses OM!

[aeolianchaos]

Today, I realized that one of my huge goals for this period of time is to put an end to my horrible habit of mental rumination.

Just because it annoyed your W doesn't mean it was bad.

Where it becomes problematic is when you let it become an imbalance in your life.

The ability to really think through something from a lot of angles is not a bad thing. And if you enjoy it, that isn't bad either. Again -- balance is key.

Out of all of the things that upset my W the most in our marriage, this habit was probably it. It has been an addiction of its own kind.

I know that feeling - I was diagnosed as OCD for 24 hours this past winter. The therapist I got referred to dismissed that and said I'm just super anxious. Any truth in that for you?

Does the ruminating somehow make the anxiety seem a little less?

My W constantly asked why I couldn't just stop. I guess I was too addicted to the sense of temporary relief that it brought, even though it made me feel worse in the long run.

Why did it make you feel worse?

This last two months, my analyzing has obviously been devoted to my W, her A, and the possibility of our upcoming D. Today, I realized that I was sick to death of ruminating because now I couldn't stop thinking about my W and what she had done. I also realized that, if there was ever anything that I was going to change during this time no matter which direction my life took, this was going to be it.

It sounds like you have some recurrent thought patterns and that you let it get out of control sometimes.

It sounds like you are also recognizing that perhaps these thoughts are a waste of your precious time and energy at this point.

We are the originators of thought, but somehow it can feel like thoughts control us sometimes.

There is a great article by Alex Lickerman (his blog is happinessinthisworld) about rumination and meta thinking. Might be worth pondering..