Too Tired To Fight

[aeolianchaos]

Val,

I think I relate a little to that 'stressful wanting' feeling that you're describing. You want it, but you're scared of it.

Would you be mad at someone if they texted you rather than called?

Grace, love, and compassion are wonderful things. Can you be sure that you extend them fully to yourself first, so that if this: "I'm scared that I won't be able to handle it if things get cold, or angry. Or the abuse starts. That I won't be able to stop the situation.." happens, then you will have the love and compassion towards yourself to say "I don't deserve to be treated like that. If you don't stop I am going to hang up and we will talk when you get yourself under control"? Or something to that extent. Nothing hostile or reactive - just assert your right to be respected as a human being.