I've got 54 days to receive a miracle.

[tadpole1025]

Wow everyone. Some very good posts and I thank you all. I'm going to print them out so I can read them again when I am away from my computer. They are very insightful. Now.......if I could only put them to use.

I guess I am codependent because everyone keeps asking me what will make me happy and I keep thinking to myself "having my marriage back." I want to save this thing so bad.

As for today, it is our 26th wedding anniversary. It was a real downer. I took most everyone's advice and did NOT contact W today. It really took a lot not to do it. I'm sure she was expecting me to and to be honest, I wanted to so bad and almost did. But....NOT contacting her is "doing something different." I wanted to send the letter that I had written, but then I remembered what happened on Valentine's Day when I contacted her. On that day, she responded with a very nice text, but what she said broke my heart. I did not feel like going through that again today.

I wanted to text...

I wanted to call...

I wanted to send flowers...

I just wanted her...

I've thought about her constantly today and have wondered what she has been up to. I've also wondered if she thought about our anniversary at all or atleast thought about us.

On this day last year, we were talking about going to Hawaii for this year's anniversary. That right there tells me that she wasn't "planning" on taking a trip on the mother ship.

What a crap day.....

Tad