My H filed for D, Dec 16, '10. This was 15 months after we were separated. I was served on Jan, 25, '11. My H had it in his head that we would use one L and it would be quick and painless.
I looked over the papers and I'm not a L, but many red flags popped up all over the place. He wanted to give me what he was currently giving me for child support. He did not want to give me any Spousal Main. He was going to 'give me' the house. He thought that was generous of him. Along with giving me the house I would then be responsible for the mortgage, taxes, ins., utilities, etc. I would also receive half his pension and retirement and he, mine.
The house was built in the 1850's and needs a lot of work. Yes, it is my dream house, but there is no way that I can afford to fix it up by myself.
I made an appt. with a L that was highly recommended. I went in there and he took one look at those papers and he said, No, no, no. He then proceeded to tell me what H would have to pay. I found out he hadn't been paying me the proper amount of C/S. I did feel a bit better because between my salary and C/S I've been living paycheck to paycheck and praying that nothing major happens.
When H found out I retained an Atty. he was flaming mad. He sent a nasty email asking why I hadn't told him I was getting a L. I told him that yes, I should have. I said I know what it's like to be blindsided and it's not much fun. It escalated from there.
We sent two nasty emails back and forth to each other. I told H I'd deal on anything but the money end. I told him that I had to live too. The money he had to pay me is finite. It won't be forever and with the kind of money he makes, he can make up for what he has to pay me. In a few years C/S is done. A few years after that Spousal Main. is done. As per my L, I'd buy him out of his half of the house.
The nasty email exchange was in Feb. There has been no movement from H to push the D along. From the way I understand it, if H doesn't push it, it doesn't go anywhere. I'm not sure of the time limit but I believe if there is no movement and it's going to be dropped, they will ask me if I want to pursue it. Anyway, I expect something more at any time, as I can't imagine ow is too happy with him not moving on it.
H and I don't have a lot of contact, but what we do have has gone back to being civil. I do not contact him unless it's kid or financial related.
So Life, strap in and prepare for a bumpy ride when your H gets served. Hopefully it won't be too bad. If he had been financially responsible to his children you wouldn't have been forced into having to file. You would have had a choice.
Life, it's only the end when you say it is. Many people have been standers even after the D has been completed. We even have a board here titled, Divorced But Not Done. Some do wake up. Read MHL thread. Can't be sure if his XW is waking up or not, but at the very least she seems to be taking a prolonged peek out of the tunnel. In the end it is the LBS who decides when they're truly done.
I've read so many sitches where the MLCer finally wakes up and goes looking for the LBS only to discover they have moved on. Then the MLCer gets a taste of what it was like to be left behind.
