A few months ago, it occurred to me that my GAL'ing wasn't working. Not so much for H, because, yes, it was accomplishing the goal of getting his attention in ways that I hadn't before. But GAL'ing wasn't working for me. Because I was doing things that I did not necessarily want to do.
Sometimes when we GAL, we are desperate and a bit panicky, which is natural in this situation. So, we launch ourselves into these roles that we weren't really meant to play in the hopes of getting our spouses back.
In my case, I went to parties. I'm not a party girl. I went to bars. I don't like going to bars. I went to hockey games. Who knew that I actually do like hockey ? I accepted lots of invitations when I would rather have stayed home and curled up with a good book.
Then, it dawned on me. I'm not that girl. And if I'm not, what does it accomplish me to pretend that I am? Just because I would rather read than interact with probably 90% of the human population, that doesn't make me a bad person. It just might make me the kind of person that H doesn't want to be married to. And in that, there is nothing for me to fix.
What GAL'ing should really mean for me is doing things I love to do, living my life the way I really want to live it and embracing who I really am. So, I am accepting a lot less invitations nowadays. The kind I am accepting are the ones where I spend quality time with people I really like being around, usually one-on-one or in small groups, with lots of good food that I've probably picked out or prepared. There's lots of rambling conversations, long, long walks and lots and lots of books.
Sometimes, getting a life for me has simply meant opening a book, curling up with my cat and sipping tea. Because, to me, that's a really good time. It makes me happy. And the ultimate goal of GAL'ing, is not to shock and awe your spouse into paying attention to you, but it's about getting really happy in your own skin.
YES, YES, YES!!! This is how I feel exactly. I'm all for trying new things and meeting new people, but I also know what I like and who I like. If this hardship has taught me anything, it's that I don't have to waste time being around people I don't enjoy and doing things I don't enjoy. I stopped agreeing to EVERYTHING and trying to please EVERYONE, and wow...my life is so much better now that I'm not constantly running around non-stop trying to do it all.
? I accepted lots of invitations when I would rather have stayed home and curled up with a good book.