He is sending me these emails, by the way, from his desk in his classroom. This way she won't see/know.
He is still filling his emotional needs with you.
It is also obvious that he has felt the fact that you are "moving forward" with your life.
I think that when they do notice that then they feel safe coming out of the tunnel because you are not going to drag them further from the safety of that life they created.
For some they have to be left totally alone before the safety of the tunnel turns into another trap.
I wonder when he will start complaining about the OW to you. If you could stomach it you might want to ask how he and the OW are doing. (This would be advanced DB301 for upper classmen only )
I think that it is great that you are able to be supportive of him.......if the job is not going well then there is probably some other stuff that is not so great too.
Soooo on to his apology........
In a way he is acknowledging your positive changes, they have long forgotten all the crap they spewed about us and they are left with what they see today. The thing they do remember is the things they did, that they can't forget.
Your XH feels indebted to you right here.......
Originally Posted By: Atonia's XH
"You are being way too kind. You owe me nothing and that includes any form of sympathy. The only thing you should hear from me is an apology
He knows that you are a good person and that someone like him would be lucky to be with you.
I think they also feel that if we were to take them back that it would somehow reflect poorly on us..........I can hear the thoughts running around in their head, "She would be dumb to take on someone like me, why would she do something stupid like that?"
Do you see what is going on here??? They have regulated themselves to some sort of second class citizen, and they are going to revel in that, it is comfortable. They dare not reach above their class because they could not handle the fall......in a way they are protecting themselves..........
They feel they are not worthy.......and when you give him words of sympathy it makes the guilt come back.......and we all know what a MLCer does with guilt.........
they avoid it at all costs........
thus the self serving nature of the apology.......
Now my 4 stages of remorse or apology are just from memory, I do not know that to be fact but I will say that it makes sense to me.
I would agree that your XH is somewhere between 2 and 3 on the MHL scale of remorse.....hahahahaha.
Maybe I could start rating apologies like Jim Cantore rates Hurricanes on the weather channel.
More later, gotta get my daughter to therapy........I need to get mine too.......pass my corona!!!
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
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