Wife is having MLC & I am not sure what to do...

[Willing1]

I see that this isn't uncommon but obviously, it is to me and is the most challenging crisis I have ever experienced. My wife of 17 years and the mother of our teenage son, who I love and adore, said she wasn't happy and asked if I was. She thought I would be relieved to hear her share this news and that maybe we would figure out a way to make a change without hurting our son (separation, I guess). I was not relieved. I cried, sobbed, & cried some more. I was (and still am) devastaded. I never saw this coming. I always thought our marriage was for life and that we could work through anything that life ever threw at us. I am not sure how much her turning 51 has to do with it or the job she hates or the fact that our son is a senior in high school and we will be empty nesters soon. I do know that I failed to meet her emotional needs and that she clearly needed more physical touch than I provided. Her sexuality is really high now and mine dropped a few years back. I do take prescription testosterone and that helps but her level of desire seems to be effecting every aspect of her life. She started talking to an old school friend and likes the attention he gives her. I know she sees that this isn't right and is not good for our marriage but likes the attention he is providing. I don't believe anything is going on than the talking / texting but it hurts. I realize I have work to do on myself and I started seeing a therapist last week. My wife has seen a therapist twice in the last 3 weeks and I have asked if she would agree to us both talking to someone as a couple in addition to the individual sessions. She is agreeable but reluctant and has made no real comittment to any day or time she would go. It has only been 18 days since the 'bomb' and I am trying to be patient. Any tips on how I can leave her to work through her part without pushing her further away would be helpful. Some days are better than others....we are having more 'intimate' time than ever and I have started massaging her neck and back at night so that she can relax and fall asleep which seems to help both of us. We are good, kind, stable people that really loved each other and have built a good life together, or so i thought. How could this have happened? Oh great, more tears. I thought I was all cried out....apparently not. Thank you all for writing down how you felt and what you did to deal with your situations. This forum is the 1st place on the web that has given me any hope at all. Bless you all. Mike