Got an apology from XH. Need advice now.

[AntoniaB]

I like that you picked up apples and had some wine while you thought. Sounds like something I'd do.

I am not trying to mind-read at all here, but I do know him best.

I can fill in that he works in the same building with OW. But she has taught 5 years. He and I have taught 18 or more each. The experience of dealing with administrator stuff is something he ALWAYS confided in me about (and I him).

For at least 10 years prior to our divorce, he would email me while he was at work during his planning period first thing in the morning or at lunch, especially to vent if he was stressed, as he always was. For the past 2 days, he has fallen into this pattern, and I've simply been available to answer him every time.

What do I think? I think he just witnessed himself fall into his old pattern with me. How easy it was to do so. EVEN THOUGH we're divorced. And on top of that, he never was able to push my buttons and get into an altercation. He moaned about the retirement acct., and I let it ride. He cried about his job, and I was nothing but support. He was used to my being a partner in cynicism for a long time, and instead, I rose above it and was kind. Even to a person who doesn't "deserve" it.

I am sure this triggered guilty feelings in him, and so he wants to give away that which makes him feel attached or guilty. I think this is more his attempt to walk away before he feels something again than his attempt to truly be sorry.

I think he expects a big reply from me that has emotion or an "I will always love you." That is my pattern. I'm not going there anymore.

BUT, no, I dont' really want to close the door. It's like I'm leaving the door open while I'm turned away from it living my life. But I'm still there.

I won't respond till I hear a bunch of feedback. The shorter the better, I think, but I don't want it to come off at all like I'm being dismissive or hurt or anything. Like if I just say "thanks for the apology" I feel like he will take that like I'm not as detached as I say and that I'm hurt by him still and therefore being really close-mouthed.

I guess this goes to MHL's reply in a way, though the apology he got had more to it than that.

Do I give any indication that I'm ok with him still contacting me about anything?