OK, I read your first post and needed to think about it, so went outside and picked up windfall apples, then I had a glass of wine and thought about things . . . .
Umm I agree, 2, 3 is pushing it. A friend of mine has a MLC stbx, he is the opposite of my xh, in that always hers wants people to think he is a good guy. So he says sorry all the time, but doesn't follow through. Now, it feels like there is some of this in what your xh said. He wants you and others to think well of him, that what he did wasn't so terrible was it? Notice how he is letting himself off the hook? Still very MLC. He is sorry, but . . .. However, that is better than nothing. There are a number of issues here.
Why did he write it in the first place? Work pressures are clearly getting to him - maybe you made his work life easier than OW? maybe that is the way the world is going - MLCers always blame externalities rather than looking within.
He cares for you A, but he is still in MLC imho.
I would ignore the offer to give things back, just don't respond on that one. It could be that he wants to see you, hurt you a little, that they make him uneasy. Who knows?
What do you think he wants to hear from you? Is it renewed contact [he is probably missing you] Is it absolution? He probably feels guilty on some level.
I would leave it at least 24 hours before replying; other people will probably have some great ideas about what to say.
What do you want to happen? Do you want to keep the door ajar while he continues his MLC? Do you want to shut him off? What is the best outcome for you?
Actions will speak louder than words. What you say probably doesn't matter too much, but don't say anything to make him feel better, like 'it is OK' Something like, 'Thank you for the apology. It is always hard saying sorry. I hope things pick up professionally. Good wishes' And that is it. My 2c.
