Got an apology from XH. Need advice now.

[AntoniaB]

My XH and I have been in contact since the hurricane off and on. There is also a retirement acct. transaction pending that he seems to want to drag out longer to his own detriment. I have just been informing him of things there. At the end of his last email regarding this account, he drops this line on me, that "things at work are worse than ever and that the teaching year won't be good but and that there are big changes that he does not want to deal with." He is sending me these emails, by the way, from his desk in his classroom. This way she won't see/know.

My reply to him said I was sorry to hear that, and that I thought he liked the principal a lot, and that I didnt' know if it would help him, but that it helped me to concentrate on assets in my life instead of problems. I used my yard cleanup as an example, and I said some positive, supportive things to him about his teaching and suggested that he try to focus on the parts of the job that make him happy. I told him that I was taking a meditation class today to help me focus on assets instead of problems, and that when I learned to practice med. today I'd send him peaceful thoughts.

It is important to me to try to accept things and forgive myself, so I am showing him MY positive changes and reinforcing them for myself.

So this is what I got back. It is an apology of sorts, though brief. I do not know what to reply, and I need help with that.

"You are being way too kind. You owe me nothing and that includes any form of sympathy. The only thing you should hear from me is an apology for the way our divorce went down so for what it's worth, I'm sorry for what I put you through. It wasn't right but it also wasn't planned so I didn't excatly know how cruel it was at the time. Again, I'm sorry.

I too have had a lot of new experiences that have shaped my perspective on things. My life outside of school is good but readjusting is even harder when they've turned everything upside down. I survive like I have for 21years in this profession. I just hope for a return to sanity some time before I retire.

Take care,

-d.

BTW, now that some time has passed. If there is anything you want back that you have given me just ask. I have it stored in a closet and I really down know what to do with any of it. It may stay in storage forever."


What do I say to this? I really don't know what to say.

I am a bit bothered that he has offered to give me things back. What he means by "things" are this: a large needlework picture that I made for him for our anniversary that had a poem "to my loving husband" on it; a photo album of pictures of me and the cats that had a handmade cover on it that said "when this you see, remember me." Also, a mug I gave him in college that said "I love you this much" and had a pic of a bear on it, which was his nickname for me.

This is ALL HE HAS of our marriage. No other photos; no other "evidence." He doens't even have the letters I sent him. I have all the letters.

NO, I don't want these things back. I think he should keep something of the marriage and I don't understand why he wants to give it back now.

But anyway, there above is the so-called holy grail. The apology.

What do I do with it?

He is firmly tied to OW, pics on facebook, trip to Spain under his belt, yadda yadda.

I don't think he's out of any tunnel. Advice on how to respond?