I totally understand and sympathize with your feelings, MZ. Sadly, just about every parent fails in some way to "protect us from all," perhaps through negligence or thoughtless criticisms, or because they themselves carry their own wounds and blindnesses.
Then, we marry people whose wounds tend to be equal and opposite to ours, who challenge us in the places where we were hurt before. (Your wounds resulted in holding your H at arms length, while his were caused by having been held at arms length as a child.) The agony we feel when our partners hurt us tends to echo what we felt as children--it's having our worst fears come true again. As Schnarch explains, this gives both partners the chance to grow up and heal from family of origin wounds.
Kalni is right: the only way to feel safe after any betrayal is to learn to trust yourself. The child who says, "I'll never trust again after what my parents said" is condemning herself to a life of mistrusting everyone around her, and never getting close to anybody. Unless she changes the pattern, she is doomed to repeat it and recreate it in every relationship she has. She can break the pattern by deciding, "I can trust myself to know that I love myself completely, and am choosing the healthiest people to be around me. But, if they let me down, I know it is because they are struggling with their own issues--it is not a reflection on me."
