David…we are dealing with a lot of the same things and it is very confusing. My W has admitted to me that she has had times when she “manufactures” anger. I think it helps her justify her pursuing the D. She also has told me that she is afraid that being nice to me will give me false hope that our M may be saved. When she is nice, she seems a little drawn to me and I think that scares her. She doesn’t want to get “sucked back in”. She has actually told me that. It is very frustrating. I think that helps explain the severity of the peaks and valleys at least in my case. Maybe yours too??
I am certainly no expert but it seems that their perspectives get very skewed and they will cling to anything that helps justify what they are doing while completely ignoring anything that doesn’t. I have been DBing for two months and feel a lot better about myself. I have tremendous pain for my kids. I think you are absolutely correct in putting your kids in the front of your mind. Maybe your approach will help her see the effect that the D IS having on the kids. I don’t know and it often seems there are no clear answers. I have had the same thoughts regarding my kids reactions but haven't brought them up yet.
Just strong and work on you and protect and love your kids. You can control that.
