My new friend sent me a bunch of her poetry tonight--she said that what I could do to help her out is to give her some advice on her poetry, or just be her cheerleader, because she is very creative but also very shy about her work. She wants to enter some contests and wants my help choosing what to send. I told her that I really would like to make her dinner too at my home. I haven't cooked for someone in ages, and she has pretty much opened her home to me--she lives in the town I work in and said please, between classes, come visit, or stay overnight if you are there late and don't want to make the drive home.
Her daughter who is my very close friend is 4 hours away at college. I think she misses her very much. I just see ways she and I really can help one another out.
I am SO struck by how much people pass into our lives when we need them. I feel like I wasn't going to learn anything anymore from XH anymore (or he learn more from me as I was stuck in a pattern) and THIS is why we are not together.
My XH is communicating with me only during work hours, which means he is protecting OW from any possible "pain" of seeing him interact with me. Between this and his hero-worship of her that only now I can see as I'm not hiding from him anymore, I can see that in every way, he is simply repeating his rel. with me with her. He is STILL lost and has no identity other than to be a woman's protector. He will leach her power and her confidence from her slowly but surely as he did to me. He will do it because of love, and he'll call it respect, but it's codependence. He has to be the hero. Till he can't anymore.
He doesn't get it. We have to be our own heroes, and we can't live to become another person's worshipper or protector. And he's never do it maliciously. He's doing it because it's all he knows, and it makes me sad for him and able to see him in a very different way.
I saw a quote on the alt that made sense, and it was "maybe rejection is god's way of saying you're headed in the wrong direction."
This direction I'm in is not what I thought I'd ever want but I guess it really is what I NEED.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
