Val....glad to add a little levity! I try not to lecture her much. I really feel that I know her better than she knows herself at times. Maybe I'm wrong or arrogant. I will keep my feedback at a minimum but I feel I need to help her as a friend at times.
A good GAL day all things considered. W kind of freaked out and wanted to get out of house. I picked kids up from daycare and grabbed a pizza and took them to a park to eat and play. Got them ready for bed an read them a few books…haven’t been able to do that in over a week. They are so sweet. I hate to see the effect this situation is having on them. They don’t deserve it. I need to keep trying to be the best Dad that I can. I get joy out of their joy.
W got home around 9:45. Said she didn’t get my emails to my atty until tonight. Seemed more pleasant but still said she couldn’t trust me. She thinks I have an agenda regarding the D. She is stressed about it. I said I don’t have an agenda and I can’t make her trust me. She said I could but didn’t really elaborate. I missed an opportunity here…should have asked her to explain it. I might revisit it tomorrow. Her lack of trust in me is a huge issue for us.
I told her I realize she is in a space that makes it easier for her to spin everything about me in a negative light. I also told her that I think anything in the world can be viewed with a negative perspective if you really look hard enough. She told me good night. I said good night and called her by her name. This will sound unbelievable, but I went for years without calling her by her name. Must have been part of my issues. I don’t know if she likes it or it irritates her at this point. Probably depends on the day or moment. How can you live with someone for years and not call them by their name? I have been pretty messed up.
I’m going to see the C tomorrow. I’m not sure what I want to talk about. I think that might be a good sign. I feel better about myself. I have started looking for positives and avoiding negatives. I still have a lot of negative thoughts but I am trying to suppress them. It takes time but is necessary. Also going out for a few drinks with friends tomorrow night and I’m looking forward to that.
