hence the need to think things out before we act...
You're learning.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Wife came home late 1:15 from what she said was a work function. I confronted her about her whereabouts. Told her that I was unhappy. I asked her if she was still involved with OM, she said she still talked to him. Then she asked me if i was involved with someone else, i replied no. (im sure she was referring to me being out late on thursday night, and my constant use of my ipad to read the forums and self help books) I told her that this situation was not working anymore for me and that if she wanted to continue to live in this house with me and our kids, her extramarital "friendships" had to end. I told her that I couldnt trust her anymore and that if she wanted out, I was prepared to sell the house and be done with it. I told her I was very serious about this. I feel much better after confronting her. I have been holding this back and thinking on it for sometime now. I feel much better. Truthfully, it was long overdue. Either way, whatever her choice, I'm ok. It's no life living with someone who you feel is disrespecting you by carrying on an inappropriate relationship in front of you.
I feel like a huge burden has been released.
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
My hope that this would wake her up has only pushed her farther out of reach. Clearly i should have followed the advice here closer. I am no good at Divorce Busting...
"Hi
Have you thought any about the custody of the kids (what are your thoughts)....I think you decided on selling the house (I think that is a good way to go really too)..... I just gotta find a 3 bedroom condo or apartment and save first and last months rent....hoping it doesn't take super long...... Hoping to get a trailor and put all the crap in it and haul off to dump soon too.....less un-needed or wanted crap to pack later! I will prob re-paint the whole upstairs at least too....better for re-sale! Maybe we should wait to tell the kids till school starts and (S9) is back.....I am not going to be nasty about all this....hope you are not also.....this has been years in the making from BOTH of us and you can think and feel whatever you want and need.....but I really do think you know we will be a lot happier when all this is behind us! Hopefully we can act like adults and think what is best for the kids! (ps I do not need or want you calling my sister and family about stuff....you have your own family for support)!
Saturday night is a end of summer and woofrigginhoo good bye daycare party..... you don't tell me where, when, how, who you are going out with anymore, so I don't really feel the need to either! But I really do hope you have fun friday night.....woohooo your last day at Work!
Wife"
Im afraid I have no Hope left. I do not want to be done. Clearly she does though. I have asked her for one last thing, Marriage Councelling. Even if that is just for us to be better communicators so that we can co-parent.
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
hate to ask this but did you read the post I sent, along with others, that said "only send an ultimatum if you are truly ready for the answer to go either way"?
You sent it to her without first posting here...b/c you knew we'd tell you to think it out more and we'd ask what your goal was. You would probably have said to "end your pain"...has it ended?
Despite what you said about being ready "either way", seems you were not ready for her to leave.
Admit that You did this to manipulate her and "wake her up", but ooops, it backfired. Johnie, try hard to learn from this. IT's a big painful lesson...make use of it. Make something good come of it.
So now what?
You drew a line in the sand you were not prepared to enforce - but what choice do you have now? I'm asking.
Seems to me the only way to look half way strong and detached, is to go through with the boundary you set up. At least she'll respect you for that. You cannot cave in or backtrack now. That's the one option you don't have, if you expect any r to improve.
FWIW, if she leaves, she probably would have anyhow. Maybe you'll never know for sure. Instead of letting that haunt you, just don't.
If you simply could not DB and you simply could not put up with this limbo anymore, so be it.
And do you any actual proof of a present affair? Just asking.
That's my .02
I'm very sorry you are here.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
You are right. I did feel like I had reason to be optimistic. And yes I was trying to shock her out of her fog. It worked before to open communication, and I had advice from 2WAWs that it would. (one who is a very good friend who is going through the exact same thing as I am. Her husband gave her an ultimatum which scared her into agreeing to work on their relationship). I believed it was the right thing to do, because my friend has admitted that she had been a WAW for at least 5 years due to her husbands infidelity. I thought that because I had not been unfaithful, and because I had made my very positive changes, that my wife would wake up. I am nothing of the insensitive, temperamental controlling person I was. He is gone.
I will say that I believe that even if I DBd like a pro, her mind was made up. She is very stubborn, she will not come back to me no matter what I say or do, because it is not her will. We are going to talk tonight. I plan to ask lots of who, what, where, why and how questions, so that she does the talking.
I did not get the answer I wanted. I regret backing her into a corner, but it is just taking the ineviatable and making it sooner. Yes I wanted this pain to end.
Now the only option I have is a trial separation... I think the time apart will do us both good. It won't be easy, but nothing lately has been. She needs time to work on her. Hopefully she will. If not, then I will move on. My suggestion though will be that during a trial separation, we both need to commit to being alone so as to give us time to heal and discover ourselves. I know that if she doesn't take that time for her, she will likely have another failed relationship to deal with. In the end, I only want for her and me to be happy. I hope for happiness together, but if that can't be then happiness apart.
I know with time we will be together again, there is no rushing this process.
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
