It was really only 1 EF for about 6 mos. Prior to that my wife was chasing / infatuated with a different OM, but he never engaged beyond phone calls / chat / friendship. That lasted about 8 months but was completely one-sided. Prior to that she was reaching out to old boyfriends, but no one bit.
I do still love her very much, and do want to stay married. The marriage I want is characterized by being open and honest, genuine, and enthusiastic about the R, the kids, etc.
No, no one cares what I want but me, but I believe that's how this works when one partner decides to walk. She tells me that before, her needs were never met because she always put me first, she could never live up to my expectations, and she felt like she fell short in the marriage, all of which made her feel badly. This made her angry and unapproachable. She would claim to do things for me, but was passive aggressive about it and let me know she wasn't happy. To be fair, I got tired of that and withdrew, pursued my hobbies, and tried to make the best of it.
Now, when we talk about my needs, she complains that I'm starting to drive the relationship again, that my expectations are creeping back in, etc. Either that or she starts crying, says she's a bad person, etc., and I instantly go into support and reassurance mode and my needs are forgotten.
I am far from controlling, but it's very difficult to ask and expect nothing. From what I've read however, that's what you do in this situation.
I'm really most concerned with the fact that the therapist gave me such a dire warning. Not sure what to do with that. It didn't seem like it was accurate, it seemed like she was reading out of an affair book versus dealing with the individual. I don't know, the whole thing was brutal and continues to be so.
Am I just a doormat?
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
