Tad, you have some excellent advice here as usual. You're at the point where all the advice in the world is not going to make a difference IMHO. One day you will feel a change within yourself and you will "get it". Something will just click on a fundamental level and you will KNOW that you are there, even if you have the occasional slip and slide. When you "get it", all the advice you have received will make sense. You will get your confidence and strength back. The manner in which you should interact with your w/ex-w will become crystal clear to you. Because you "get it". You will become a "new and improved Tad" no matter what the eventual outcome may be for you and your wife.
So, I have no advice for you. There is one thing that helped me tremendously when I felt stuck and that was to ask myself "What is healthiest for me at this time?" I removed all my emotion and all my drama and answered the question as dispassionately as I could. And instead of pursuing another person or an outcome, I pursued my best interests in becoming healthy and whole.
