You are right. I did feel like I had reason to be optimistic. And yes I was trying to shock her out of her fog. It worked before to open communication, and I had advice from 2WAWs that it would. (one who is a very good friend who is going through the exact same thing as I am. Her husband gave her an ultimatum which scared her into agreeing to work on their relationship). I believed it was the right thing to do, because my friend has admitted that she had been a WAW for at least 5 years due to her husbands infidelity. I thought that because I had not been unfaithful, and because I had made my very positive changes, that my wife would wake up. I am nothing of the insensitive, temperamental controlling person I was. He is gone.
I will say that I believe that even if I DBd like a pro, her mind was made up. She is very stubborn, she will not come back to me no matter what I say or do, because it is not her will. We are going to talk tonight. I plan to ask lots of who, what, where, why and how questions, so that she does the talking.
I did not get the answer I wanted. I regret backing her into a corner, but it is just taking the ineviatable and making it sooner. Yes I wanted this pain to end.
Now the only option I have is a trial separation... I think the time apart will do us both good. It won't be easy, but nothing lately has been. She needs time to work on her. Hopefully she will. If not, then I will move on. My suggestion though will be that during a trial separation, we both need to commit to being alone so as to give us time to heal and discover ourselves. I know that if she doesn't take that time for her, she will likely have another failed relationship to deal with. In the end, I only want for her and me to be happy. I hope for happiness together, but if that can't be then happiness apart.
I know with time we will be together again, there is no rushing this process.
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
