Hi, Havent been on here in several weeks. It seems like i was doing ok then I go backwards. I just need to let go of H. Its so hard. I think its pretty obvious he has let me go. Our conversations are minimal and only through texting. Nothing personal at all. I can sit here and think of all the lies, stories, cheating he has done to me but I just cant let go. I know no one deserves this. I just dont want anyone else to have the "GOOD" H i had for so many years. Is that wrong to think? H is still with OW. It is coming up on a year now. She does live out of state so maybe that is why it is still happening. I really believe she is just masking his hurt and is an escape for him. I wish I could make him see that it is possible to recover after affair. He would have to face to many people for that to happen so he chooses to just go on with the D. I wish he could feel miserable for atleast one day. Have the feeling of loneliness, sadness, hurt, being scared. I know thats not a nice thing to say or wish upon someone but I really think I could cope and deal with this better if I knew the OW was out of the picture. I keep hearing from everyone to move on. I wish it was as easy to do as it is to say. I dont want the marriage I had back that didnt have trust or communication. I do want the H back that was so loving, and kind and caring when we werent having the trust issues. He avoided conflict. Wanted no part of it. He would never argue when we needed to argue. I was always made to feel as the cold, unlovable spouse when issues came up. I really feel like Ive been punked for the last almost 30 years of marriage. How do you get through to someone before they throw it all away? I dont know if it is possible. The other day at my L office i was presented a settlement offer. I read it and cried. Really? This is what the man I gave my life to wants me to have. The bare minimum? All i could think of while i was reading the proposal was, "he really does hate me." I attend a support group meeting weekly and last week i completely fell apart during it. Sobbed like a baby. Please can someone chat back. THank you all.
