I met my W today. I had decided that I was going to talk to her about us filing our papers. We now have been separated for 21 months and I have seen her only twice in the last year.
I had called her last week and we talked and I said:
TG:"I think it's time we both move on. I wanted to talk to you about how we can do that together. If not then we can always do it the hard way."
W: Can we see each other?
TG: Well I have to be over there on Monday.
W: Can we get lunch together.
TG: OK.
So we did. I had thought all the way over there about how she was going to fight me on this or what she might demand. I expected her to be the same person she has been.
She wasn't.
She was kind. Contrite about her choices. Descibed herself as "looney chick".
She apoligized. I apoligized. We laughed.
She said: "We had an amazing romance."
She said: "I want you to know that you are a very talented, amazing person and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't let anything get you down." She said this and tears came to her eyes.
I just sat there dumbfounded for a second.I stared out into space.
W: Where did you go? Where are you? You left the buidling.
TG: Yes I just stepped out for a second to walk in the rain.
She laughed.
TG: W what do you want to do?
W: I know that I behaved badly but there are parts of me that are me that I don't think you like or if it would ever work. I think maybe we should just walk away.
TG: OK I guess I agree with you.
We talked about filling out the paperwork together etc.
We looked at each other. We were sad.
We walked outside to say goodbye. She looked at me.
I held her face in my hands and kissed her. She smiled.
And we hugged.
TG: I love you.
W: I love you too.
We kissed again. And said goodbye.
When I finally let go. She became peaceful. She is healing. She tells me she isn't on any medication any more. She feels much better. She looked beautiful.
I want to see if we can be ok together. I am scared of the past.
I am scared of us hurting each other again.
This feels like we can maybe try. I feel like she was waiting for me to say I didn't want to do it (get a D).
I feel like I might want to date my W again to see if I want to D her.
I feel like we can fill out the papers and put them in a drawer and see what happens next.
Oh my friends...
I didn't see this coming.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
