I've got 54 days to receive a miracle.

[AJM]

Tad, I suspect you knew already the things you were told after posting the letter. I read the letter and it shows a great deal of heartfelt pain. I am saddened for you buddy.

I can tell you that few people outside this arena will ever know what you are talking about. Many will think you are a pansy or a bit** or just nuts. They won't believe that somebody could do or say the things done and said in your situation.

We have been there and know. We have felt and do feel the pain. We tell you with loving kindness and your best interest the things we choose to share. I know you know that and I know you are doing very well dealing and coping.

Allow me to add something to your thought process: She has mentioned she appreciates not talking about the relationship. Ok. So don't. That's a loud and clear message to not talk about it. She mentions you haven't changed and determines she'll go through with it. She gives you vegetables (for the record I always want to marry/sleep with people that give me vegetables - I've been in therapy about it, but so far nothing works (j/k) ) She talks to your kids and then doesn't. She talks to you and the next day blasts you about it. She. She. She.

What about Tad in all of this? What is it that Tad wants? I suspect Tad wants it to stop. I think Tad is living a nightmare from the current perspective. I think Tad has a lot of online people that do NOT want to see him get stuck. I think Tad feels guilty about leaving his W of 26 years behind even if she wants to. I think Tad is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't but he's having a heard time being still and hearing because Tad has needs of his own that are going unmet. He isn't quite sure how to go about getting those needs met. Damned if he does and damned if he doesn't and waiting... how long must he wait?

I could go on Tad. But I want you to know that we hear your pain, hear your frustration, your questions, and your confusion.

We do and we have been there in many ways, but not all. It takes time and the desire to be ok regardless of the outcome. A very strong desire. It helps to have clear paths, but this isn't one of those times in your life Tad.

Step back and answer the question: what does Tad really want? What is Tad hearing from himself? I don't think it's 100% that he wants W back, but rather he wants what he had and more specifically he wants to be happy again. He feels that getting W back is the right thing to do and will lead to the happiness. But is that really the case?

BTW, God listens. You may not be hearing the answer either because there is too much other noise in your head or because it hasn't come yet. But he listens.

Be careful what you ask for

Be at peace Tad.

AJ