Things have deteriorated in my situation, and I am slowly realizing its time for me to go dark with my H, at least for now. I am too angry right now to effectively DB actively with him. angry about his affair, and angry he has decided to rekindle it. Angry that we don't seem to be making any progress. Scared that things are getting worse, and recognizing I am partially to blame.
I am finally understanding the truth of the DB technique. For me, at least, it's a slow process of turning the focus off of my relationship/marriage and back to ME. It's hard, because I am a FIXER if ever there was one. But it's slowly dawning on me that I have to save myself first...and if I can save my marriage at some point down the road, then that is a benefit. But I have to take care of myself now.
H has told me he is back with OW, for whatever that is worth. And it makes it doubly hard not to obsess about what he is doing, how he is spending his time, etc. So I've decided to limit my contact with him while I try to get control of my anger, sadness and hostility, because as you can imagine, all that is doing is harming what is left of our marriage and driving him right to her.
So, I'm turning the focus back to me. Starting up yoga again, looking for a job, going to a new bible study group, and trying to find my joy again. For the past few months, I've done NOTHING but worry, fret and stress about my marriage and it has gotten me nowhere and only made me more miserable. So, I am "dropping the rope" and letting things just be for a while so I can find my center again. I've lost it, and I see now that I need to get it back...for me.
I will contact him only as it relates to the kids, and then, only in email fashion. I need to do this, at least for a few weeks, while I get myself back together. This whole situation has been so devastating and I am simpy not coping the way I normally would. I am a 2 TIME BREAST CANCER SURVIVOR, but cannot for the life of me seem to be able to get myself to a place where I don't "react" to H, don't antagonize, don't show my anger, don't push, don't try to fix, don't try to convince.
It's time for me to put down this burden, at least for a while.
