Thought it would be done by now...part 2

[AJM]

L2. To answer your question about the pain, can I ask you a question? When you look back, can you honestly, and I mean really honestly say to yourself that you did the best you could with the information and knowledge you had at the time?

'Cuase if you can, you can no longer hold yourself to the standard of what you think you know now. If you did your best, there is no more that you can reasonably be asked to do. Nor is there any more than you could ever reasonably ask of yourself.

Guilt? I don't think that's the appropriate emotion/reaction. I think sadness is correct. Humility, and more sadness at your grief for his choices and the loss your family feels. But from the sound of it, you aren't still in love with him as much as you are with the idea of what you had. I suspect that's because you know somewhere inside that you can't make this work alone and are grieving. You are doing the post-mortem of what you could have done differently. What went wrong. If only...

I'm trying to tell you there is no such thing here. Not to say that you couldn't have done things better/differently but that the result was and is outside of your control. I'm also suggesting that if you did what you can honestly say was your best at the time, then you have nothing to be guilty about.

Go in peace, L2. Do what you have to do for your family and don't spend your energy beating yourself up about what might have been. He made his choices as much as anyone.

AJ