I'm so clueless

[~ kd ~]

oh...

so sorry about your dog, huh...

post back when you feel better...

take care of yourself...

[~¤DG¤~]

Interesting revelations yesterday but in no mood to analyze or post.
My faithful dog died unexpectedly today. Stomach turned over and they couldn't save her. God Rest her beautiful soul.

I am so sorry for the loss of your dog.

[Starsky309]

Interesting revelations yesterday but in no mood to analyze or post.
My faithful dog died unexpectedly today. Stomach turned over and they couldn't save her. God Rest her beautiful soul.

I'm so sorry, Huh. I lost mine (14 year old lab) two weeks ago this Sunday, and our family is still grieving. Every time we think we're doing better, there's a trigger (yesterday, it was a plaster-cast paw print, with his name etched in, that came unexpectedly in the mail from the vet oncologist. A nice touch, but ... )

I feel your pain.


Starsky

[Huh]

Thanks everyone. It does help a lot to know that there are others out there that are just as attached to their pets. Makes me feel not alone if that makes sense.

Well on the marriage front I still don't know what to make of things. Generally she's hanging around more. Some good days. She stays for dinner most nights.

I still really don't know if there was some kind of affair or not. Tonight I became very suspicious but maybe over something that doesn't exist. Don't know.

She wanted an ipod or similar so she could download some songs to learn. The OM is a songwriter. When I skyped her tonight to ask what songs she wanted she said some country songs (a shock) The OM is not a country songwriter. So I don't know. Maybe I'm to jumpy. Maybe not.

I'm back to working out. Trained tonight but I haven't been able to go full boar. Maybe after a few days of training.

I do realize a lot about myself. I sometimes go into short depressions. I realized today that maybe those occur only when she is around.

I fully realized that I married her largely because she is emotionally unavailable, hot tempered, and negative. Much mimicing my childhood. She's changed a lot of that over the years but that's where we started.

We did some projects over the weekend. I noticed how helpful she was. Always there to hand me the right tool or a drink or whatever I needed. This was in stark contrast to how that would have gone in the past and in the past not having that is the sort of thing that really pissed me off. I thanked her and she thanked me.

She jumped me last night for dropping an f-bomb. I rarely do but did for some reason and it got to her. Strange it upset her since she used to have a mouth like a sailor.

Who knows sometimes.

[abbey1989]

Huh...so sorry about your dog. My 12 year old golden retriever died on Aug 3. My heart breaks for you. I found this poem and it always makes me feel better about my departed dog when I read it....

I AM NOT THERE
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning hush,
I am the uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.


Hang in there!!!!

[Huh]

Thank you Abbey. That is wonderful. I've seen it before but it is always so helpful to see it again.

My first dog was a golden retriever. Truly amazing dogs. When I lost her as a child that was my first experience with death. Strangely the last few weeks I have been confusing my late dogs name with my first dogs name. Strange how the brain makes connections.

[Huh]

I really don't know where we are. I don't know if there has been an EA or anything at all. There are signs.

Last night I became very suspicious over something that could be something or could be my mind creating something that isn't there.

If there is an EA it is most likely via the internet and across the country.

I don't remember the DB stance on this. Do I confront or not?

[Huh]

I guess I can look at her wanting to download songs to learn in two ways

1) She is getting involved with a man from her past that she should not. And she knows that

2) She really wants to download songs to learn and they are unrelated to him. In which case she is finding a way to make herself happy. Which is a core problem. She says she is generally unhappy.

and I guess there's a 3 which is some combination of the two.

So to answer my own question. Let it be and continue to work on myself.

[abbey1989]

Huh,

Keep doing all of the positive things to work on you. Sounds like you are on the right track!

For what it's worth....here are few things that I've picked up along the way that might help you. I think if we all try to follow this advice somewhat we can only feel better and our spouses WILL NOTICE.

1. ACT HAPPY. Be as cheerful and positive as possible. Practice and fake it if you have to. Eventually it will become second nature.

2. GET A LIFE. Pick up an old hobby or start a new one. Something that truly interests you. People are drawn to others who are passionate about their lives.

3. FOCUS ON THE WORDS: "I WILL MAKE IT" No matter what, you will make it. Remind yourself often.

4. TO THE POINT CONVERSATIONS: Make conversations with your spouse brief and to the point. Don't get pulled into any drama.

5. TEND TO AGREE: Try to find whatever believable kernal of truth is in spouse's statements. She says "I'm not in love with you" you say "it certainly seems that way, thank you for your truthfulness", etc.....

6. EXPAND YOUR SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS: Including those of the opposite sex. Not to have an affair or make spouse jealous, but to foster more learning about you and how you relate to people of the opposite sex. Seek out interesting people who have the potential to care about you!

7. GET SEXY: Get in shape, lose weight, eat right, begin to feel healthy. Healthy is SEXY.

I personally try these things and when I do......boy do I feel strong and great. I need to do more of this (way more) to get in a healthy state of mind.

I hope you are well.........