I'm seeing a lot of myself in you. I know I've been telling this to everyone, but try picking up the book Facing Love Addiction. I think it will really really help you.
Some of this "love" you might be feeling for H - esp. now that he's left and there seems to be a desperate quality to it, could really be about some old stuff. You want to take a good look at yourself and learn healthier boundaries so that when people hurt you, you are able to really reason with that.
Your husband seems to have had multiple affairs. He is no longer with you. He's treating you like crap. This is not the husband you want, right? Who is he? Do you know who he is? Or are you projecting on him - who you want him to be?
Do you have an IC?
My D is your D's age, and when exBF left, she behaved the same way. It is very very very hard to go through that. BF has been around more helping me with her. It was too much. He is being a decent dad and I had to do a ton of 180s to get him to stick around - for her.
Anyway, all I'm saying is that feeling of you drowning and missing him shouldn't be related. Your drowning is something you need to deal with - unrelated to your feelings for him.
