You know, I think back to relationship and yes, I am at fault. When he tried to talk to me, I would over react. But I tried to explain to him every time he talked to me, it was never positive, always negative. He was the one that did all the texting, not me. So why is he so angry with me? Is it because I caught him everytime?
I did purchase the DB book. I can't to start reading it. Hopefully tonight.
I just want him to come to his senses and soon. He hasnt filed any papers yet. I am hoping that is a good sign.
So why is he so angry with me? Is it because I caught him everytime?
He is angry with you as a way to justify his actions. At least that is how I perceived it with my W.
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It's not your fault. This is his behavior.
Lila is spot on with this. In the beginning I like you tried to talk every chance I got but it was like talking to a brick wall and got me nowhere. I couldn't control my W or her actions and once I realized this it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. And that is when the real work started on myself.
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Take a break from him. Don't pursue. Let the dust settle. Address your panic (trauma) in counseling - with someone who understands this.
Great advice again. Take this time to focus on you and your D.
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I just want him to come to his senses and soon. He hasnt filed any papers yet. I am hoping that is a good sign.
Patience will become your biggest virtue. When our WA are in A's they are in such a fog that only they can bring themselves out of it and who know's if they ever will.
My W has been in a fog for well over 1.5 years and I don't know if she will ever come out of it. And I've gotten to the point that the chances are very slim that I'll be there for her if and when she does.
Keep your head up and take care of you and that D of yours.
There is a difference between knowing the path & walking the path. – Morpheus
Hi, Hope. Work just restarted for me so I just now am able to catch up on your sitch. Be as tactical as possible when dealing with him and your D. Have you heard of people "dropping rope"? Basically just roll with whatever he says. Have zero resistance. If you don't tug, he won't be tugging as hard either.
This does not mean have no boundaries. But just do anything you can to not "fight" him on things.
I'm so glad you're going to school. It will give you something to focus on. It's your GAL. Find other things too, if you can.
The pain will not go away for a while. And when you think it's getting better, it slaps you in the face again.
Have the patience of Job. It's the only way you'll get through this.
This morning was not a good morning at all. D woke up in a good mood until it was time for me to get her ready for daycare. She refused everything? It seems to me she is getting worse. I can't talk to my H about it because all he will say, she will get used to it.
This past weekend, my H texted me to tell me that he rode his bike over to the house (which I have up for sale because he left) to cut the grass. I was surprised because that was the first thing he has done since he left 7 weeks ago. I told him that you and I appreciate it. Still can't figure out why he did that.
I wish he would talk to me. At least tell me what he is thinking and how he is feeling. But nothing. I don't contact him unless it is regarding our D. And he is pretty much the same.
I pray each and everyday that he wants to try again.
Well, today I start school. I am very excited about that. Something I can focus on besides him.
3 months here for me and my H blames me for the breakdown in my marriage. I took the blame to start with but after IC and analysing of our marriage (he never told me there was a problem - just walked out one day - actually went out and didn't come home) yes I see my faults but he chose to have an EA and leave. It will get better. I still have my bad days, but the good days are now out numbering the bad.
Don't try to guilt him over your D - it won't work and will just push him further away. I tried that - of course it didn't work. My kids are older then your D and they are slowly adjusting to the fact that D doesn't live here anymore.
You need to explain to your D that daddy doesn't live with you anymore, but you both still love her a lot. That she now has two houses and two bedrooms etc. That just because mummy and daddy don't love each other anymore (well actually in my case I told them that daddy doesn't love mummy anymore, he now loves OW - as my kids know that I love daddy dearly), but we both still love them.
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
He blames me for the breakdown of our marriage, but it was him that had EA, not me. At times, I did over react and accepted that responsibility.
My problem is I still love him so much. But right now, for some reason is pissed with me. He did tell a friend of ours that he loves me. That was when we first separated.
Right now, I feel like I am drowning. God, I miss him!
I'm seeing a lot of myself in you. I know I've been telling this to everyone, but try picking up the book Facing Love Addiction. I think it will really really help you.
Some of this "love" you might be feeling for H - esp. now that he's left and there seems to be a desperate quality to it, could really be about some old stuff. You want to take a good look at yourself and learn healthier boundaries so that when people hurt you, you are able to really reason with that.
Your husband seems to have had multiple affairs. He is no longer with you. He's treating you like crap. This is not the husband you want, right? Who is he? Do you know who he is? Or are you projecting on him - who you want him to be?
Do you have an IC?
My D is your D's age, and when exBF left, she behaved the same way. It is very very very hard to go through that. BF has been around more helping me with her. It was too much. He is being a decent dad and I had to do a ton of 180s to get him to stick around - for her.
Anyway, all I'm saying is that feeling of you drowning and missing him shouldn't be related. Your drowning is something you need to deal with - unrelated to your feelings for him.
