MHL I suspect that you are experiencing some very conflicting emotions right now.
I was thinking about your sitch as i was driving through the fantastic countryside near where I live, on a glorious late summer day, and realised how content with my life I am. My h apologised just over 18 months ago, but didn't follow through with action, at the time, but since our divorce we have been exchanging cordial emails. Now, the question hasn't arisen of this going further, and it perhaps never will, but I am very aware of how much I value my current happiness because it was so hard, initially, to achieve.
My xh has been gone longer than your xw, my marriage was longer, and perhaps most importantly I am not in a relationship with anyone else. BUT having detached, I am really not at all sure I will ever want more than a reasonably cordial relationship.
I truly do not know whether it is fear or detachment, or the passage of time, or simply somewhere I do not want to go again. But if any of this sounds familiar, you are not alone!
