I've got 54 days to receive a miracle.

[25yearsmlc]

tad,

I don't mean to be a hard a$$ with you, believe it or not. Sorry if that post hurt your feelings. But I hope it prevented other hurt you'd get had you sent it.

You asked us for feedback about the letter. Remember? Well...you got some feedback.

I just want to save you from making a mistake at this time, b/c you have little room for them. (Not to say that if the div goes thru, all is lost. All is not lost. Several WAWs take a 2nd look at their former spouses when they have the freedom to do so.

Right now, she feels trapped and forced. More pursuit from you just reinforces that trapped feeling. Makes her want to run away...faster

Your w knows your anniversary is near. She knows you know.

BUT as of NOW, your W wants NO R TALK. Your letter was 100% all R talk. So that's that. No brainer.

SIDENOTE---someday ---sooo- NOT NOW--If you feel you must write her a SINCERE letter of apology or regret, or pride or love or whatever, do it after the div is final.


We know You want to delay the divorce! We get it. That's why you wrote the letter now AND why it is = pursuit and is therefore tactical. The letter is Not an expression of heartfelt love.
Expressions of heart felt love don't have tactical goals...
That's another reason the letter would not have attained your goal.


Also, never start a letter talking about your pain. IT stops the reader from wanting to read anymore...

Another reason was the letter was quite UNpersuasive is b/c nothing in the letter demonstrates

why or how MARRIAGE TO YOU today, and from this day forward, would be better or different than when she left.

This KEY ELEMENT is...KEY!! It has been hammered and hammered but hasn't sunk in yet.

But If you and the dynamics w/her are no different
than she won't have a reason to return AND even if she did come home,

what's to prevent her bolting again? IF you have changed, what external signs are there of that to HER?

One conversation is not enough to prove change in you, obviously. Build on those.

Change + time = change she can believe in.


In speech or writing--
Brevity is powerful. If only politicians realized this! The few who do, are well remembered and quoted. They project clarity and confidence and strength.

The ones who ramble on, get off message, rant, lecture, etc. are misunderstood and misquoted-OR- the only thing they say that is remembered - is what offended.
PLUS--
She does not want to hear about the M.
That's what anniversaries are about; i.e., the m.

Also-
Comparing yourself to OM will backfire. It forces her to deny him and or to defend and advocate for him. Do you want that to happen? You want to hear that?? Your pain from that would be self inflicted...

Tad, You do have free will.
Make truly different choices and start feeling better.

Honestly, I think that is the main thing that will help you.

So, if you want to VENT HERE, then VENT HERE...but you said you were thinking about sending it..and you said you wanted "feedback".

Hope we stopped added pain.

Life will get better IF YOU LET IT. I swear. But yeah, you have to buy a ticket to win the lottery.

Hugs buddy.