I just picked up S16 from her house. She actually came out to the car and gave a bag of fruits and vegetables to me to take home. These are the actions I just don't understand. Why would she even do this?
I guess I'll never know.
A woman with the screen name "rysmom" here, got some some veggies from her h. She wonders the same thing you wonder. He left her in 07 and lives with OW...openly. You think it means he secretly wants her to pursue him? I don't. I think she's wasting her time doing nothing but waiting. Not really GAL and not making herself a better partner to be with...
Here where I live, we have 5 fruit trees that went bonkers this year and producted a boat load of fruit. We have given the neighbors tons of bags of fruit and I don't want to sleep with or marry them...it's just a gesture and a way to not waste food.
I simply thanked her and told her that I was here if she just wanted to talk.
SIGH...more pursuit. You couldn't just thank her? really?
She said: "Well thank you for the conversation the other night and keeping off the subject of us." THIS IS CLARITY FROM HER. IF YOU IGNORE THIS B/C OF YOUR NEEDS, THEN YOU ARE PUTTING YOUR NEEDS AHEAD OF HER. HOW WILL SHE SEE THAT?
Can I ask: why they dont want to talk about "us?" Is it because of denial or guilt or both or something else?
Makes NO difference "why".
What do you KNOW? You know she does NOT want to talk about the r.
Maybe it bores her. Maybe she thinks you haven't changed or won't.
You radiate neediness and pain, and I cannot imagine that being pleasant to be around...and you do blame her for all of it. Which is Just not attractive.
I don't know what else there is to say.
I posted a long post to you but it's like you skimmed it for "secrets" to get her back but
the only way to do that--- IF IT IS POSSIBLE--- is to back off
but you don't want to do that.
You want us to tell you THE sentence or THE action to take to get her back.
The secret is there is no secret.
Back off. Leave her alone. GAL...for real.
I still believe things could be so much different if she would just stop talking to OM. He is like an addiction. And quite honestly, such a frickin goon. Do you see how your own behavior is addict like? So I guess you have that in common.
As you know, I've written W a letter for our anniversary on Tuesday. I don't think I will send it, but I have to send it to someone so, I will post it here. Before you hit me with a 2X4, I just want to say that I KNOW that it sounds desperate and pursuing. I have not sent it either. I was just writing from my heart a few nights ago. It is rather personal and kind of sappy and I apologize in advance.
Ug. Here it is: Do not send this. Just don't. I don't want to spend the time saying why b/c if you don't know, then this is so pointless... suffice to say your goal will be further from you if you send this, not closer.
I suggested a ONE SENTENCE note IF ANYTHING...and this is what you want to write? All about you and your pain??
The woman just thanked you for NOT talking about your r...so you want to send her THIS???
Today is a very sad day for me. I’m basically in a lose/lose situation. If I didn’t contact you today, it might be seen as insensitive. If I did contact you, it may be seen as pursuing. Well, I’m taking my chances. This day will always be significant to me. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think of you. I can still remember the feeling I got the first time I looked into those big dark beautiful eyes. I remember our “dating” days and the early years. Life took over and we got comfortable and took each other for granted. I worked my a$$ off all the time. Not because I wanted to, but because I needed to for us and our wonderful little family. Basically, life happened and we got too busy for us. It happens, but……it can be corrected. It happens to many couples that have been married a long time. True love never really dies though.
Twenty-six years ago today, we took vows before God to love and care for each other and be there for each other in sickness/health and good times and bad until death do us part. I continue to stand and believe in you and us. I believe in the sanctity of marriage. I want so badly the chance to read the vows I wrote before you and everyone. We have been married for 9,490 days. In just 45 days, you want to put an end to it. I don’t know why you are so angry and hate me so much, but I’m willing to do anything to make it right. We need to talk things through. I’m down to my last gasp. Take your time that you need and work on you and I will work on me. Hopefully then, we can work on us. I realize that right now you don’t want to, but why not see where it goes? If you think about it, we really have nothing more to lose, but everything to gain.
I am very proud of you and all you have accomplished. I hope to be right behind you soon when I start college after the first of the year.
You deserve someone who can meet your needs and loves spending time with you. I can be that man. I’ve spent the last several months working on me, going to counseling, learning what I did wrong and what I can do better, building my relationship with God and our sons, learning how to communicate better and learning what it takes to be a better husband and dad. Let me show you the man I can be. It will take time, patience and work, but I believe that you/us are worth it.
I’m just asking for a delay. Please don’t rush this. Let’s just keep things how they are for now and work on ourselves and us. Let’s rebuild our friendship like you originally wanted to do. Let us do things together every now and then and communicate. I’m just asking for a chance to show you.
I know that I made some mistakes during our marriage and at the beginning of this mess. I also know that I am still making some, but I am getting better.
On our last anniversary when we went out to dinner, I told you with tears in my eyes how sorry I was that I couldn’t afford to take you to Hawaii. I meant it. There is so much that I would love to have done for you, but it just didn’t work out. It makes me sad. I would love a chance to try it again. You deserve it.
You are the most amazing person I have ever known and have been my best friend for more than 26 years. You are a wonderful mother to our children. I have so much that I want to say and talk about, but you don’t want to hear it. Please talk to me. I’m here for you to talk to without criticism and anger. I mean that, but we must be open and honest with each other when you are ready. Many marriages can be saved. Ours is one of them if given the time.
It makes me sad to think of the way we are right now. It makes me sad that you hate me so much and are so angry towards me. It also makes me sad that you have a picture of me in your office that is covered up with a post-it-note. Yet, you have a picture of OM on your phone and computer. You say that he is not a factor, but he is. All I’ve ever asked is for you to quit communicating with him and work on us. I’ve been asking you that since October. It also hurts me that you were bragging about him to your own kids and showing them pictures of him before you even moved out. It is like an addiction for you. I feel like you are just trying to totally erase me and us. Sometimes, I’m actually afraid to talk to you because I don’t want to say the wrong thing and upset you.
I would just like a chance to save what we had and I know in my heart that the best is yet to come if you give me the chance. I have faith in you, me, us and God. We can do things on your timeframe. Just please don’t give up on us.
I’m always here for you with an open door and an open heart.
Like I said, I KNOW it says a lot of things that it shouldn't. I just had to send it to someone.
Fire when ready.
Have a great week everyone. Tomorrow starts week #2 of my new job.
Tad
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
