An Apology from my MLC ex-wife

[MHL]

Thank You all for your responses and suggestions........

I would respond to each of your comments individually to address what I think and how I was going to proceed given what I think........

However

I had the opportunity to talk with my XW tonight while she was dropping my S11 off from his weekend with her........

I will update you on what happened in a minute......I do want to answer one question from Grace.....

MHL,

If you're willing, I would really like to hear how your D is doing after having read the letter her Mom sent her.

HUGS

This is most important because no matter what this leads to between me and my XW, the relationship or the lack there of, between my D14 and my XW will hopefully get better as a result.

I will give a little back story on the situation with my D14 and my XW. My daughter knows way too much about what my XW did with regards to her multiple affairs and her behavior throughout our separation.

Some of it I will take responsibility for but most of it came from her mother. My daughter's issue with her mother is more about the lies that her mother told directly to my D14 over and over again rather than the men she had been with.

In the words of my D14, she has given her mother repeated chances to be in her life and everytime her mother lies to her or treats her like she is 6 years old.

Typical for an MLCer as we all know, but extremely painful for my D14. My D14 made the decision to protect herself and "go dark", her therapist.....one of the best child therapists in the city supports this decision and agrees it is a healthy decision for my D14.

When I gave my D14 the envelope addressed to her and mailed via USPS from my XW she initially did not want to read nor had any real interest. My D14 asked "what it was?" and I told her that it was from her mother and that I got a letter too. She asked what was in the letter that her mom sent her and I stated that I did not know but that mine was an apology.

My D14 shrugged it off and went back to watching TV without openning the letter.......I went upstairs to change out of my work clothes. When I came back down my D14 had gone upstairs to change also. (We were going to her High School Football Game)

When I came back down I could see that the letter had been openned and my D14 just left it on the couch. I went over to read it as my D14 was upstairs and I found that it was exactly like mine.......word for word.....the only difference was how it started.....mine started with "MHL".......my daughter's started out "Daughter".

After that, no difference.

I figured that there was not much thought that went into either letter and figured that the apology was contrite and somewhat self-serving and so I decided not to ask my D14 what she thought because I figured that my XW was just taking the very first step in what would be a very long journey.

So, Grace.....in a very long winded way.........my daughter did not think much about it or at least she did not talk to me about it. I have learned in the last 2 years that I get more out of my daughter when she initiates the conversation rather than me.

I will tell her therapist about the letter and also what happened tonight so they can talk about it when they meet on Tuesday.

I think that my D14 has come to terms with the choice to not have her mother in her life......forever or at least until my D14 changes her mind.

My D14 and myself have both put in place protective measures..........good ones.

I don't encourage my D14 in either direction on her relationship with her mother.......I just make sure that I support her no matter what she decides to do or NOT do.........and my D14 knows that.

I know and have heard.....and so has my D14 how very important it is for a young lady like my Daughter to have her mother in her life.

I get it.....I DO understand it........

however

The condition that my XW was in was harmful to my D14.......therefore it was a "healthy" decision that my D14 made for herself.......knowing full well, the consequences of that decision.

I think that moving forward I will stress to my D14 that it is okay to change her mind later on........that just because she chooses to not have contact with her mother now does not mean that she can't decide later to initiate contact with her mother.......especially if her mother has changed.

The other thing that I am going to stress to my D14 is that just as her mother was capable of changing from the person she knew before the MLC hit.........it is possible for her mother to change again, and moreover she may change in a way that could even make her a better person than she was before the MLC.

sorry for the long post.........I will make another post about my interaction with my XW tonight.