Hi David. I am very flattered that you asked for my advice, but I'm not very knowledgeable about same sex affairs. Based on what I gathered from your post, it sounds like the OW is the "domineering" one and is influencing your W to give that side of life a try. If OW wants your W, then she has probably preyed on her...using W's unhappiness as the main tool to leave you. In short, I do not believe female friends conduct themselves in this type of sexual conversation & manner.

I think you would need to deal with this just like you would if OP was a man. The "friends" card will be pulled as long as she thinks it's working.

Your W isn't the same girl that you are use to having as your W. As bad as you want to help her, you won't be able to fix what's wrong. All you can do is fix yourself. Make a live for you and the kids. When she feels the pressure lift from you, and she sees the rope has dropped, then she may get her focus back on you and the M. When she realizes she doesn't really want a R with this OW, and she sees the man she fell in love with years ago.....it will influence her heart more than anything else.

Don't continue to ask your W about OW. Assume that your W is in an EA, and OW is priming your W to enter into a physical affair with her (if it hasn't already happened).

I have to go for now, but I'll check back.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!