OK, refrigerator has mysteriously risen from the dead...thank the Lord. I do not need another expense right now.
W stopped by to get more of her things. She gave me a long tight hug as soon as she walked in the door, and started to sob a bit. I made a pot of coffee, we sat at the dining room table and talked...
I asked how she was doing. She said OK.
I asked if she had thought any more about when we wanted to meet with the mediator. She hadn't.
I noticed she was still wearing her wedding band. I had taken mine off on Wednesday after I found out about the OM moving in.
I asked if she was sure about continuing forward with her plans. She said for now, yes.
That was about it. We both shed some tears. She looked beautiful; it was very difficult not to take her in my arms and kiss her. But I didn't.
I helped carry boxes to her car, we hugged again, she gave me a light kiss and off she went.
And I went back inside the house and lost it.
It was very difficult.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Oh Telemark. I am so sorry that is so hard. She seems so confused. I don't understand the crying when she is the one doing it. Same as my H crying last night. Stupid me even asked him if he was sure he wanted to do this
Stupid fridge. Glad it started working. Seems like when it rains it pours.
Do you have a friend you can make plans with for tonight? Watch a funny movie or do something to get your mind off of W.
Thanks, paige. i think she is just so all over the place with her thinking that anything will set her off. After she left, and after I pulled myself together, I just sat and thought, "This is really happening. It is indeed over." Prior to me finding out about the OM situation I was hanging on to some hope that we could turn this thing around. But not any more.
Funny you should mention going out...a very good friend, who has had a year of hell like a lot of us, is moving to California next week to take a job in a small high-end custom guitar factory. To him, this is Mecca, Nirvana and Disneyland all rolled into one amazing opportunity. So we went out for a nice dinner, a few beers and good conversation. I'm very happy for him and his change of fortune.
We'll see what the weather is like; we're located in the west side of Irene's path; if it's really ugly out, brekkie will wait until another day; or maybe not at all.
I do hope you are doing OK. Thanks for checking in.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
"This is really happening. It is indeed over."[color:#FF0000][/color].
Such a hard realization. It's like mourning the death of a loved one.
I just want to say how awesome you were at handling yourself. It may be hard to understand, even though our spouses chose this.. it ain't a bed of roses for them either. You had many cards to play. IMHO - you chose the rights ones.
You are a good man TM. Keep on keeping on.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
The up the down I suppose it comes with the territory until it doesn’t.
So many times I would have a good talk and subconsciously my hopes will rise only to be dashed by a massive pullback. It happens. The shock feeling, well I can’t yet claim it goes away completely but it does get a lot better to manage.
My line in the sand was very clear, OM, once that happened I was good with letting go and for the most part I did.
It sounds like you have set a similar boundary, unless I miss read…………
Time time and more time bud, when they say it is all about you, it really it
I thought I was handling everything pretty well, but having her in the house again even briefly, after not seeing her for 3 weeks, brought all of the pain right back. I could not get my mind away from the fact that soon the OM will be sharing her life, not me.
And I know her life may be a train wreck, but still - the rejection is hard to swallow.
I am going to cancel the breakfast date. I don't know how I would handle that, but I don't need to expose myself to more heartache.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Hurricane Irene is on her way out of here. It is a rainy, gloomy Sunday morning. Usually I am getting ready for pre-service practice with the praise band at church, but I decided to take the morning off; maybe that was not such a good idea.
I had a fitful night of sleep; found myself waking up and immediately thinking of my W. I had gotten past that a few weeks ago. Now it feels like I am right back at the beginning.
Wednesday I told her and myself that it is over; that I am ready to go to a mediator and make the divorce final. She did not object. Seeing her yesterday really knocked the pins out from under me.
I truly miss her this morning.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
