Good post - was this posted here originally? [just have a sort of memory of it]
I think the point that it makes is very good. Sometimes, in DBing and taking responsibility for making necessary changes in ourselves, we can forget that the affair was their choice, and a poor one, to deal with a situation that they found intolerable.
This is not to be unforgiving. If someone hurts me I can forgive them. Taking responsibility for ourselves and our actions is very different from accepting blame.
I know 'life events' hurt and damaged my xh, but that instead of recognising this, and instead of doing something he just went on hurting, and being a victim. The people who come here are focused on moving on. Initially we come here to 'save' our marriage, but then we come to realise it is about saving ourselves.
Sad to say he still sees himself as a victim, still feels that others are mean to him. Looking at it objectively, nothing that happened to him is as bad as what he did to his children [and me]. But of course that is not how the MLCer sees it. They have very poor coping mechanisms, very little empathy, and very little self awareness. Their focus is on surviving, and they will do whatever it takes to survive.
If there is an OP it is actually a life raft, and usually a very poor one. But in their MLC madness they think they are saving someone else. Unable to fix themselves they latch on to another person, usually even more damaged and needy.
