Right now, I'm just trying to let myself feel things and take care of myself. No momentous changes yet. I feel like when this first happened, I jumped right into relentlessly researching about infidelity and walk-away spouses. The only thing that I could possibly think was, "There's a huge chance that she won't last with this guy. That might mean that we're not done yet!" It got to the point where it was almost the only final result I could see in the situation.
Now, I'm really reconciling with the fact that it really could go either way in the end. I'm getting okay with it. I'm also allowing myself to enter the "anger" stage. I spent so much time convincing myself that my W was under the "fog," that she was really very guilty deep down inside and that she was hurting. Not to say that I don't believe any of that's true. After all, her reaction at first was extremely guilt-ridden and she blamed herself, not me. However, I'm really allowing myself to get mad at her for CHOOSING to do this to us. I kept making it out like she got the rug sucked out from under her and she didn't know any better. No, she had a choice to do something else, and she didn't. And now we're here. I can still be compassionate while feeling my anger toward her, I've learned. In the case of an A, you have to learn how to do both.
Writing is going well. Lots of journaling for sure. I'm getting back into the swing of fiction. My problem is that I'm WAY too perfectionistic about it. I always expect a masterpiece when I write, which freezes me. My first big goal there is to learn how to make a mess and have fun doing it.
I'm working on getting out, but my usual avenues involve spending money, which I'm having less of these days. I'm going to try joining a club or something. Something that's free but still involves being around other people.
