The last several years of my marriage I was on an AD. Dealing with the anxiety of being married and trying to make things work was nerve wracking. Ironically I was off the meds within about 5 months of separating. As stressful as divorce was, it was less stressful than being married to my ex. In the initial stages of the divorce when he called or when I was around him I did feel that anxiety again, but it was temporary. I think Gineen expressed it well when she said she realized what's the worst thing he could do, divorce her. He already was doing that so he had no control. Your ex has no control over you unless you give it to her. Don't give it to her! You call the shots for your life. My ex first talked about divorcing about 3 years into our marriage. I lived with that threat for the next 17 years. That is a lot of power for one person to have. So eventually he exercised it and now we are divorced. And now he has no hold over me and I feel free. He has no threat to hold over me anymore. I control my own destiny. I can decide to talk to him or not as necessary. When he starts whining (which he does frequently about how the divorce wasn't fair, he doesn't agree with the financial part or the custody) I don't have to listen to it anymore. He wanted a divorce and he got it. His attorney wrote the final agreement and he signed it, so I don't have to discuss that with him anymore. It doesn't make me anxious or upset anymore, other than the fact that it is 4 years later and he is still boo-hooing over the same things and I am tired of hearing it! You don't have to listen to her anger. Keep the conversations limited to information regarding the kids. If she wants half the tools you pick which ones to give her, set them aside, and tell her when she can come pick them up. Don't let her push you around or try to intimidate you. You have the right to call the shots for yourself!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
