Also, when we (the kids and I) went camping for a few days last week, we camped up with my folks at a lake that my phone didn't get reception at. I let H know that there would be no reception at the lake. We had a great time camping (the kids first time at a beach!) and it really felt good to escape the pain for awhile.
When I drove back and moved the phone back into reception area, my phone lit up and started ringing with 8 text messages that H had sent me over the course of the two days I was off the grid. "Are you okay?" "Thank you for making that spagetti for my lunch." "I really appreciate that you're my friend." "Worried about you and the kids." Etc etc.
He was home when we got home (unusual) cleaning the house and initiated a big hug from me and had a happy pillow fight with the kids before their bedtime. He even stayed the night instead of running away to K's house after the kids were in bed. ("Do you live there? Do you live here?" I asked him. "I don't know." He said, "I have no home.") He hasn't been that happy since.
So the answer, like the book says, is to make myself less accessible. Go darker while remaining upbeat and friendly?
Sorry... I know I've been writing a lot here... just getting a lot off my chest.
