I know you are asking Sandi, but couple of things that stand out to me is...
You are way too focused on W. Sounds like you are trying to help "fix" her problems, but you don't mention anything about what you want. What do you want? What makes you happy besides your W's happiness? (besides saving your marriage; that's the reason we all came here)
What's your 180? I hope you understand a true 180 is for you and you only. What can you do for yourself that makes YOU happy? Leave her be and do something for yourself. It sounds selfish, but what we think should work is actually completely wrong.
The best possible thing you can do right now is just focus on your kids and yourself. Right now your W whether MLC/WAW/EA/PA knows you don't want this. Any type of action other than showing inner strength will push her away. You have to just drop the rope and focus on you. The goal here is consistency in your actions and self improvement.
