Tad, listen, I know this is difficult. And we were all in your shoes at one point. Different stories, different people, but all LBS's.
I know dbing seems contra to what you think you should be doing. You feel you should be holding on to whatever thread is tying you to your wife because if you let go, then she is gone.
Here's the thing. By her leaving, she is telling you that she wants space. Now she may think that you are the enemy and your marriage was horrible and blah, blah, blah. Just words. But the underlying action is that she feels something is wrong. Doesnt quite know what, so blames the person closest to her. If I get rid of him, then I'll be happy. And then when that doesnt work, she will try something else.
If you dont leave her to figure this out on her own, I can tell you two things. One - she will feel you are not hearing her. What is wrong with Tad? I keep telling him that we are done and he keeps hanging on. He is waiting around and accepting whatever little crumbs I throw him. He is just not hearing me. He doesnt listen to me. It's been that way for years. More blah, blah, blah.
Now I'm not saying that your marriage might be saved if you let her go. I cant predict that. But I can tell you two things that will happen. You will get saved and become who you were meant to be and she will have to figure out for herself (if she chooses to) what is wrong.
From a dbing standpoint you want her to see you differently. And it doesnt matter if she never sees you, she will find out. You want to show her a new Tad, a different Tad. Someone strong, confident. self assured. Someone who is GAL and moving forward.
What happens is that you have worked on you. You have changed and grown. So that if she ever chooses to reconnect, you will have done the work needed to deal with that.
Holding on is not the answer.
Do something different, Tad.
Let her blow in the wind for now. You take your journey. Let her take hers. If it's meant to be in the future that you look towards each other, it needs to be with two different people than you are today. Otherwise you wind up right back here.
