Still Crazy After All These Years...

[angel61]

Hi Seeking,

I have been reading this thread and couldn't even reply cause i am so mad i wish I could come over and beat up your H, and all the men out there who are doing this. Including my H. Granted, mine is at home and does take care of D12, but still, he has hurt her and broken her trust and it will never be the same again. Even my friends ask me why D12 has changed so much, that she seems sad and depressed and clings to H all the time.

The expensive gifts - I see that too with my H. He used to be the miserly one - d and I used to kid each other about how cheap he was..... then when this all happened it was a big 180. Anything D asks for he gives. He just bought her a pair of hundred dollar designer jeans! I don't even have one like it. And he was so pissed that I bought D an iPhone 3GS. He said he was actually planning to give his iPhone 4 to her so he can get an iPhone 5!Its as though he is also competing with me to make sure D is on his side.

D knows it and she herself admitted that now she manipulates her dad becuase he is soo guilty that he will buy anything for her.

Good thing D is very much self aware. As I said, inspite of this all she feels that the two of us should go away. She knows her dad is crazy at this point. But we do speak a lot, I make a lot of effort to make her understand the real situation. I figure that hiding things is useless at this point; and if she had to figure things out herself, better if she had some guidance from the adult in this situation (me :), I guess. I do not bash her dad, I explain that he loves her but is one very confused person, along with OW. She can't understand why a single woman would go after a married man, I also told her that something is wrong with OW as well.

The thing about babies: I did notice my H also was acting gaga over a baby sometime ago... when his niece had one. He normally does not do that, so it was really so amusing to watch, even D12 said so - she's "what got into dad? he suddenly is into carrying babies?!@?!? I sort of was thinking along the lines of him fantasizing fatherhood again. Although he told me that he could not imagine himself having to go through those sleepless nights, and feedings, and sick kids again, I could see the longing in his eyes when he looked at the child. He even had pics taken of him carrying the baby (I guess he sent those to OW!). I remember feeling puky when I saw those.

I would echo what everyone says here - give an extra dose of love to your D. I know a mom cannot replace a dad in a D's heart, but we can only try.

Perhaps teach her also how to DB. My daughter is an instinctive DB'er, she doesn't pursue much. I think it works too.