Thanks for the welcome! I'm so grateful for the support and to see a couple of familiar DB'ers as well as some new friends.
Several things have happened over the course of the week...my husband making the evening of the first day of school a nightmare for the kids and me (being a real jerk about his time to pick them up); him being "unavailable" when one of the kids was so sick he had to visit the ER as well as for me (to help with the kids) when I got the same sickness a couple of days later; he having an overnight houseguest while our kids were at his place (which is currently a sparsely furnished "flop house" and too small for that many people. It was a male friend/work associate from out of town, but someone I have never met, wasn't informed about and that my kids didn't know. They said it was "weird", and I agree!); hasn't kept up with our agreed child custody schedule (he dropped the kids off at 9 am today when he was supposed to have spent the day with them and only spent one of his 3 nights with them this week). These are just a few of the things from this week. Additionally, he's unavailable on one of our agreed upon nights next week for the kids, so they will only be with him one night again.
The blinders have been removed from my eyes. The separation has given me space to see him for what he really is, and that is a deadbeat in many ways. I am moving forward with the divorce proceedings. I've always left that ball in his court, but it is time for me to push this through. As I read about a DBer's spouse on another thread (maybe yours, TeleMark?), my spouse is on an express elevator down to rock bottom, and I have no desire to have myself or my children go down with him. He no longer takes care of his physical appearance; he simply just doesn't care anymore. He used to be so handsome, but now he just appears to be a lazy slob.
I may sound like a bitter, LBS, but I'm actually just starting to see what so many have seen for the past few years while he has been putting the kids and me through emotional turmoil. I owned up to my mistakes in the marriage and made necessary changes. He still holds things in the past over my head when I long ago forgave him. That double standard way of living is no longer acceptable.
I've also learned that you cannot change another person, no matter how much you want to or how hard you try. You can only change and control yourself. I've tried to change/control him for a long time. I am learning to let that go, which is good for everyone. DB'ing hasn't saved my marriage, but it has saved me in many ways. For that, I am grateful.
