An Apology from my MLC ex-wife

[25yearsmlc]

MHL

Um, hello? Can we get some applause for this GIFT??

Did you see it? It's a genuine APOLOGY FROM A WAW.... Clap clap clap--


what?!!? We thought they didn't exist...

So MHL

Of course this knocks on the door of your heart. Of course it does. Part of you, at least, is reeling.

Too complex to address all that now.

So here are the two things that leap to mind when I read your thread.

First, she asked for nothing in the letter, not even a cup of coffee to "talk".

To me, that is a great sign. She knows she is no position to ask for anything but maybe that you not burn her letter.

I believe she wants to begin her journey to a better place within and part of that is making amends.

I truly believe she IS sorry, and at least to some extent, she gets it.

And she gets that she wasn't "ok in the head" for some time back then...

So kudos to her for the introspection this took

and the humbling nature of writing anything like this ever.

You know, it's SHE who could have been the one to say "too little too late" and used that to justify not reaching out at all.

Which brings me to my 2nd concern. YOUR D14.

Such a tender age (my youngest is that age and just began high school too).

Mothers matter. Forgiveness matters. Your d will be watching what YOU do even more than usual. Reassure her as much as possible that your w did/does indeed love her. And I KNOW your does. I can't imagine a mother not loving her 14 y/o d...(Hmm, literally I cannot imagine it so maybe I'm off base there...)

I for one say "Thank you God, and thank you MHL EXw, for showing that it can be done."


It's not the first time I've seen it however. Of The 3 others I know (yes, 3 WAS's who later called their exs) 2 simply felt real remorse

enough time had passed and the dust had settled, that they called their ex's to say "really sorry I hurt you"...

I don't think either of them wanted (or expected) to reconcile so much as to reach out and say that they now "got it."

The other one did want to reconcile and he reached out and they did reconcile.
Both sitches happen, obviously.

PS fwiw, my ex bil left my older sister 9 years ago, w/3 kids after 22 yrs of m. He broke her heart. My sister worked full time the whole m, as a nurse AND put him thru law school.

She is a fun attractive woman who is kind and loving to all. And she is beautiful. He was a fool, period. He was always a taker. Funny and smart, but selfish and remarkably self centered. You Get the picture?

so he leaves...she sobs, some years pass and they both remarry.

Shockingly, He's NOT happy with His "new" wife, whereas my sister is happier with her 'new h" of 6 years, than she could ever be with her uber tense arrogant 'anger management candidate" h...

Here's a vignette.

when the family dog was dying, my sister and her ex h didn't think having their new OPs around would make it comfortable for their children so

they each asked their new spouses to be scarce. My NEW BIL, the one who "Gets" my sister, was out the door (of his own house) without a word of complaint while my sister's exh came over.

Together, the "original" family thanked the dog, caressed and loved her and the vet came over and they all said goodbye and cried.

To his credit, my ex bil then took the dog and "handled" that part of the event. For awhile, they felt close to each other but it was bittersweet.

Later, I heard that my ex bil had to stay in a hotel for 2 nights b/c his new wife was furious that SHE had not been invited for the dog's departure.

He called my sister (HIS EX W) and shared this with Her..(he sought comfort from her of course...his new w hurt his feelings...sheesh..but hey-we don't kick a guy when he's down right?)

Anyhow my fav part is this.....

My sister asked him if he recalled what THEIR mc had told them about unconditional love and her efforts...and if he ever thought about it.

Ex bil said "Yes I remember it. And I think of it every single day of my life."

A part of me is very sad for him but a part of me is righteously satisfied with the karma of all this. Fact is

Most WAS's don't ever tell the LBSer what they really think about their choices, later on.

My sister never "lost it" with her ex, she was dignified and showed a quiet strength throughout her ordeal. Maybe it made her more approachable.

I'll never know. Even though my sister went thru hell and her kids were deeply hurt

she's truly much happier with her h now than she ever would have been with her tenstion filled hair trigger tempered ex...

he did her a favor.

MHL, good luck on this part of the journey and with your precious d.

Know that no matter what else, This was a good thing. Savor it a bit.