I don't know if this is going to make sense because it happened for me so far past when it should have which is why I am saying this to you.
I am not speaking about my M. I am speaking about my first one.
The only way I can explain it to myself is that our emotions. Our memories. Good and bad. gain such gravity through time. As and when we expereince them. The loger we share time with someone tha more gravity accrues to them. It is compounded trememdously. I hesitate to put a mathmatical formula to it but i would say it is not linear. It increases at an increasing rate as we move through our M.
They really do.
It clusters around our heart like stardust pulled into a star.
They gain such gravity, emotional gravity, from our experience and time with our beloved that it becomes a force that cannot be ignored.
It cannot be shut away and forgotten.
When you do that it will always be tugging on you. Throwing you off course. Making you uneasy when you don't even know what or why the uneasiness comes.
The walking wounded...
How to heal?
When you acknowledge it. Look at it full on. Let its force have its way. Surrender to it.
It loses its power.
It IS ok for you to say
"I love my wife heart and soul and I always will. I will cherish and respect those memories and I will not let this thing that has come to diminish my life, destroy this that I know to be true
for me."
Try it. And see how it feels. The big bad monster of "what was and what might have been or may be yet to come"
Doesn't look so scary.
My dear friend. There is so much joy and love in you I know from knowing you.
Do not kill it. Do not hide it away in a box. Do not be afraid of it. Embrace it.
It is the way out of that dark place where you have hidden it.
This question for me made me realize what a burden I carried.
When I think of my M and the years and the memories do I feel pain or joy?
Which answer adds value to your life and which takes away?
It really is up to you create or destroy.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
