Too Tired To Fight

[25yearsmlc]

I too, shall "GAL the [censored] out of this weekend!".

Val, we are in So Cal so yes we can go OUT and play...(hurricane, schmurricane).

@ TM - Thanks I will move forward and it will hurt. But in the last 5 months, I know that I NEVER want to go back to that relationship. ---

@ JS. You know me so well. As Denver put it, I'm a hamster on a wheel. Only I can control my emotions and actions. Still working on that. But I will try my best to keep my emotions out of it. I think looking at it as a business dissolution is a good way to put it.

Yep^^^^

To me 95% of it is just stuff. I don't really want anything except what's in my house currently, our wedding photos, and camping gear.

Be prepared for her to want some of the wedding pics too, which might irk you since she's ending the m. But her Not wanting any will hurt more so be ready for either...


I just want 50% of it's worth. Not because I want to hold onto the past with "stuff" but because my car is older and I would like to eventually move into a bigger place. I would like to take my hard earned "past" and use it towards my hard earned "future". If that makes sense.

@25. I could go on forever about the stuff you ask. But you ask questions that make me think and push me forward. I enjoy the challenge to dig deep in myself for the answers.

Oh goodie^^^

Do I see myself as equal to her now? For the most part however when I'm around her and she starts her manipulation, I lose that feeling very quickly. So actually no.. but I'm learning!

it's Progress...& it's way better than nothing.

You focus on your flaws over hers? ---Absolutely I do. Honestly I think anyone who has been abused thinks it's their fault, if they could only do better, the person would change.

Trust me I see it. Was shooting therapy videos on set and actually lost my sh!t (crying) because some one was begging to get her abusive husband back. It was a total "OMG that's me moment).[/color]

^^^^how telling and how weird and how...in the long run...helpful. May I ask what you mean by abuse? I'm a L who used to do criminal defense work, so my mind goes to the darkest of places when I hear that word. Not minimizing the "emotional" stuff, but want to know what we are dealing with. (You know how nutty YOU were for putting up with it?? )

How do I assess it vs what I want her to be? ---This board. My sister who has been through abusive relationships. My wonderful friends. They all keep me in check with what I perceive my w to be vs. who she is being. [/color]

As for the move to LA. Yes it was my decision. I had been unhappy at my corporate video job for awhile and wanted to see what the LA film business was like. She loved her job in Chicago and her friends. We were about to buy a place and start a family. I asked to put that all on hold so I could try my dream. She said yes. She supported me the best she could but we did struggle with it for the first 4 months when we moved here.

Well I can see why she'd feel more "entitled", notwithstanding the law here. Not to rain on the parade but, She has a point. You brought her out here, for your dream, then your pay went down...SO she bore the brunt of the bills here AND gave up a job she loved and being near her friends & family...ouch...She also delayed having a child. (Is that also seen as a loss to her?)

All the stuff we bought together before the move except for the car and a few small items... so I'm not sure where the entitlement comes from other than from what I stated above.

that's ^^ probably it. How are both of your incomes now, and is there still a disparity between them?

I guess in MY MIND, that's what I have to believe otherwise.. my w is just a d-bag who is very selfish and doesn't care about my feelings.

Nope. She's not evil incarnate. She just sees the facts you mentioned above AND thru her camera lens, and score card, she's behind you in winning and ahead in being a victim. I believe she feels abused by you, financially and geographically, if you KWIM

That may also be true, but it's something I'm not ready to grasp yet completely. It's easier for me to say I spent 8 yrs loving a "sick" woman or a loving "a woman who thinks she is worthless".

Help me to understand what you mean by this^^^. She wanted out of the m. Okay. That in itself isn't "sick" necessarily, nor does it mandate she thinks she is worthless. What am i missing here?

It allows me to have compassion and forgiveness. If I'm honest it also stops me from looking like an idiot for putting up with it.

Love this wording. I defended h at the height of his weirdness and once told my then 16 y/o d that he was "really confused" (which I'm sure was also true). To which D16 retorted, "I just think he's really selfish"....

For me, looking like a doormat was scarier than divorce. it was such a fine line to walk between too much pride/ego, and not enough self respect, and it's an ever shifting, blurry line...



Thank you all for helping me through a hard day. I sent the letter and feel like I got some of my emotional courage back.

Much appreciated (( ))

right back atcha'