I think one thing that will help you out immensely is realizing it isn't about your W forgiving you, it's about *you* forgiving *yourself*
It took me a long time to learn to let go of the mistakes I've made, and I've made some HUGE ones. That's not to say I'm not remorseful when necessary, but it is to say realize what you've done, forgive yourself, and move on.
This does a couple of things. First, it gets you out of the "poor me" mindset. Not very attractive. Second, it keeps you from dwelling and living in the past. Easier to move along and better yourself that way.
It's easier said than done, but if you can do it, the rewards to yourself are great! THEN, maybe your W can forgive you, but even if she doesn't, you'll be in a better position to deal with it.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
You have to love yourself before you can love another. Three months on and I'm still struggling to let go of the mistakes I made. My counsellor said I'm stilling struggling with the should have's, the could have's and the would have's. I do wish I could turn back time and be a better wife, but at the end of the day I can't and our spouses made a decision. They didn't have to do what they did - but they did. It's tough and I'm struggling today with the fact that my M is over and the chances of ever being with H again are slim.
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
My W just text me to tell her that her best friends dad passed away, he had cancer. My W's dad died of cancer too. Not sure what to say or how to respond???
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
My W just text me to tell her that her best friends dad passed away, he had cancer. My W's dad died of cancer too. Not sure what to say or how to respond???
text her back to tell her that you are really sorry to hear that. Short and simple.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Thanks, was hoping someone was awake! I responded with 'I'm really sorry to hear that. He was a good man. I hope you're doing ok'
She immediately responded with: 'thanks for responding. I'm just really sad for her and her family. It's a real loss since he was such a strong presence within the family'
I am not sure if I respond to that or not?
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
I finally responded with 'he was, I've got some good and funny memories of him' to which she said 'me too, have a good weekend down the coast'
Ok, thats it now....dark for me. I actually prefer not to hear from her, every time i do it just makes me edgy and sad. I will send the letter next week and that's it. I am really committed to this, and will try to deflect her coming to the house for a few weeks. Should be easy as I'm overseas most weekends for the next month.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
So I'm thinking of the following words to send my W before disappearing into darkness for 6 weeks:
"W, the last few months have been extremely trying and crazy for both of us. I would like to apologize for some of the ways I have behaved and my reactions to your position. I have spent a lot of time reflecting on my behavior and how I acted and I am embarrassed and sorry. Knowing that I was losing you and our marriage, caused me to act irrationally and I didn't know how to handle it.
I understand that you want to divorce me and end our marriage. And I now can see why you want this. I could and should have been a better husband, and you deserved more from me. I have let you, my family and myself down. I can see that now.
W, I do not want a divorce and I would still like to think that we could get through this and come out better and stronger on the other side. However, if this is what you truly desire, then I will give you what you want. Cam"
Thoughts?
I bought a card to write this on. She has a thing for cards, it's not a loving card, just a nice design plain card. Thoughts on whether i should use a card, or just a white piece of paper??
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
I am on the fence with this one. First of all, the card probably won't change her mind. Also, it appears you are taking on ALL of the blame. I can't remember your entire sitch, but she has some responsibility in this as well. Marriage is a two way street.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
