Preseason has begun...just trying to make the cut

[MadeToSucceed]

Bahahahahaha!!!

I've been saying that and typing that in journals for 4 months now and it took you posting that for me to see the irony and stupidity on my end. Touché CS. Touché and thank you.

[MHL]

Hey MTS,

Just a quick note about other people like friends, siblings, parents and even counselors.

I think that MWD does a good job of describing all those people's motivations behind what they do and say to a spouse that is cheating.

They listen and try to make the person happy because if they do that then they in turn feel good about themselves and they preserve the relationship.........it is really all about them.

It is a selfish thing that they do.

They will sacrifice their own beliefs because they "fear" that the wayward spouse will cut them off.........and your W has done just that with some of your friends already.

Let YOUR life be a Good Life and show all these people that you can thrive in the face of adversity.........nothing like a little external validation to pump you up!!!!!

Cheers

[♪CS♪]

They will sacrifice their own beliefs because they "fear" that the wayward spouse will cut them off

They?

I am guessing WE have all be guilty of this as well

[♪CS♪]

Moderate post pushed you back a few pages...

Just bumping for you

[MadeToSucceed]

Thank you sir. I appreciate it. Nothing truly groundbreaking to report with my W. I still have not attempted to contact or respond to her...notice I said "I have not."

Apparently at about 1am this morning she sent me a message on Facebook.

W: awake? guess not.. nevermind

I didn't respond because I was sleep and when I saw it this morning, I didn't bother to respond either. She said nevermind. Couldn't have been that important, right? Last Friday was when she called and then sent the email. I didn't respond to that either. I thought about it for a few but to be honest, it's becoming a little easier each day. It's now been 14 days since I've last heard her voice and 12 days since I actually communicated back to something she sent. And I'm ok with that. Because I'm living. She starts competing at the World Championships this weekend and a part of me is considering sending her a very plain jane email stating nothing more that I wish her well and will be praying for her but I'm conflicted as to whether or not I should. As Lenni and I discussed, she is probably expecting that to some extent but at the same time, I do still care for her. As I'm typing through this though, whether or not I contact her, she KNOWS I support her...and if she "doesn't" it's just because she is pretending/rationalizing that I don't to make herself free from some of the guilt. At the very least I'll pray for her and I know regardless, that will be sufficient.

As for this week...it's been a busy one.

Work has been hectic. I got my couch delivered on Wednesday so I'm now up to a bed and a couch and a tv. I'm doing alright! LOL. Went to Bible Study on Wednesday and met with my pastor for the first time about my sitch yesterday. He made me feel a lot better as well. I haven't checked my W's facebook or twitter posts all week. Plan to keep it that way. Had my first class of the semester last night and treated myself to a Jimmy John's sammy afterwards.

I also did something else this week. I reached back to my old college coaches and admins. I trust them with my life and while I was never a superstar for our program, I was a hard worker, a leader, never got in trouble and I graduated with a degree in Economics...not basket weaving or community studies. I say all that to say, they appreciate that. I let my head coach know about my sitch briefly and told him I'm looking to take charge of MY life now. That I want to get involved in a job field and ultimately career that is more financially lucrative for me as well as more intrinsically fulfilling. My current job is just that: a job. I work it because they pay for half of my MBA and because it is flexible for me to support my wife's career in the ways I do but hey...as of today, it's just me right? So why stick with a job I hate that doesn't pay well? My college is probably one of the if not the most influential universities in America and our alum base stretches wide.

My coach put me in touch with our assistant AD. He and I spoke briefly on the phone last night and he basically said that he would have no trouble helping me get in touch with some people, one of which is a VP at a Fortune 500 company. Flat out said I would be much easier to assist than some of my teammates that come looking for help with no real work experience and/or degree to fall back on because he knows I'm a hard worker and that I communicate well with people socially and in professional settings.

You guys have no idea how much that meant to me. Sent my confidence through the roof. I've tending to sell myself short. Kind of like West said. I'm a pleaser. And in the sacrifices I made for my W (which I would make again because that's what relationships are about, sacrifice) I lost some of me. I would make the sacrifices again but I wouldn't lose my sense of self worth this time around.

I'm a damn good man. Damn good person too. I'm smart and good looking. I work hard and I'm trustworthy. I have a good reputation and a lot of tools and things going for me. I haven't been promised any opportunities but I have grown enough to put my pride aside and ask for help from people who are actually in positions to help. And guess what? Since I always did right by them, they're willing to do right by me. We truly do reap what we sow and I'd like to think even in my flaws, I've sown more good than bad.

Worst case, it's a great networking opportunity. My school is even going to give me a couple of tickets to a game to bring the VP with me and take him tailgating (even though I have season tickets already, they're going to hook me up and let me give him an all access tour).

I prayed on it last night and thanked God for even getting the time of day. They could have easily told me no but I was very candid and honest. Told them I was looking for no handouts but that I just want to work hard and make more money than I am now doing something that I'd actually enjoy.

I truly feel like this is a new beginning of sorts. Doors are going to open for me and if not, I'll go through the window. I know it won't be easy. I still miss my W and wish that she can walk through these doors with me but she has to come to that decision on her own. I'm going to be ok and if she doesn't get on the train, she'll get left behind.

This afternoon I'm going to tour Cowboys Stadium with my MBA group. Tonight I may try to catch a local high school football game or go to dinner or grab drinks with a friend. Tomorrow morning I have class and then I'm hitting the road to visit friends in Houston. Sunday we'll go to church and then do our fantasy draft and then I'll get back started on Monday again.

I feel great today DB'ers. Just had to share. Life is good. A coach of mine used to tell me "At least you're vertical...there's a lot of people who didn't wake up today and never will...and they'll be horizontal forever." So true. I'm blessed to be among the living and no matter how bad your sitch may be, you are too!

[♪CS♪]

I'll pray for her and I know regardless, that will be sufficient.

Very good.

This post made me happy. You sound great and the networking is awesome.

I have 2 fantasy drafts this weekend as well.

OM is on my DND list

Peace man.

[MHL]

and a part of me is considering sending her a very plain jane email stating nothing more that I wish her well and will be praying for her but I'm conflicted as to whether or not I should.

DON'T......there is pain there my friend.

Imagine the second you hit send........you will be waiting for a reply.........

AND

DO you know what you are really sending her?????

answer: All your power. Don't give up the ground you have gained for yourself.

I'm a damn good man. Damn good person too. I'm smart and good looking. I work hard and I'm trustworthy. I have a good reputation and a lot of tools and things going for me.

Write that down and when you wake up every morning read it aloud to yourself...........

THAT IS THE THING THAT WILL GET YOU THROUGH!!!!!!!

I feel great today DB'ers. Just had to share. Life is good. A coach of mine used to tell me "At least you're vertical...there's a lot of people who didn't wake up today and never will...and they'll be horizontal forever." So true. I'm blessed to be among the living and no matter how bad your sitch may be, you are too!

That is my mantra for sure,

"Life is Good and it is Good to be Alive"

You sound good MTS........hope you have a great weekend!!!!

Cheers

[MadeToSucceed]

I agree MHL. I'm not going to give in. I'm on my way to meet up with friends at a reverse happy hour.

As I got in my truck I received this email:

Dear H,

I just want to start off by saying that you don't have to respond to this message. I just wanted to tell you H I forgive you, I've carried around so much hurt, bitterness, anger and pain that I've felt for a very long time, and that has been a major sin on my part. As I sit here with tears in my eyes, I mean it from the bottom of my heart I really forgive you. I also want you to know that I am so sorry for any and everything that I've done to you knowingly and unknowingly to hurt you. H I am by no means perfect, but I'm trying everyday that the Lord gives me a chance to be a better me, for me, but more importantly for his glory. I pray that God continues to Bless & strengthen you daily in everything that you do, and set out to accomplish. Have a great weekend.

- W

Not sure what to make of that. "Sounds" good but still seems very self serving. She said not to respond, probably thinking I will...so I don't think I'm going to. It is holding form though...I've pulled way back and here she comes in some fashion. I'm not missing an "opportunity" here am I? I think I should continue GAL'ing but just add this to the "what works" column.

[♪CS♪]

Whatever you do.

Not tonight.

Go have fun.

The email will still be there tomorrow.

One of the best practices you can put into place is just giving yourself time for these things.

This helps taking out the emotional response. And filling it will a thoughtful response. Or when appropriate. Non at all.

Glad I caught this. Off to a show. Have a good weekend.

[MadeToSucceed]

Had a good time out last night. Still don't know if or how to respond to her email. Part of me wants to wish her well. I guess from an egotistical standpoint I'm seeing so many people publicly wish her well I find myself saying to myself "what kind of husband am I to not do the same?" Of course the answer is a betrayed husband but despite how she's treated me is this then just a bit of tit for tat?

What do I do if she places very well? Or poorly? Just so foreign of an area, as all of this has been. Don't want to take away from what power I've taken back but I also don't to be so "cold" that some level of resentment is formed put of my lack of action.

Thoughts? Any and all are welcome...wouldn't mind Starsky's take but he probably gave up on me a long time ago. Lol.