I tap out...

[thatgirl007]

Endeavor - you are so right. It's so easy to be pulled back in. But, you know what, I refuse. I'm not going back on the WTF bus. I have been riding on it for a long time now, and you know what, it goes in circles: Destination Nowhere.

No thank you.

I love my H. I can't be with this man that he's become. I don't believe he will change.

But in the spirit of love and drawing on the 14 years that we've been in each other's lives, I can wait six more months before re-filing. What do I have to lose? All this angst and worry for the low, low price of $191 (the filing fees)...

Will he pull some Houdini act and implement the changes he needs to in order for me to want to be in a M with him again? I sincerely doubt it. But a Spring divorce party might be more fun and festive than an Fall/Winter one.

I used to be so sweet and now I am becoming sarcastic and jaded.

[Denver_2010]

Well, I've decided to continue to post about my sitch. As a way of journalling, connecting with you guys who offer so much great support and to help anybody who might happen upon these threads in the future.

I spoke with H about the D. He asked me to stop the divorce proceedings. He pleaded with me for more time. He said if things are not improved in 6 months, that he won't protest if I file.

Me: Why? So that you can have six more months of freedom?

H: No, because this is not right and I need more time. What will six months hurt in the long run?

Me: I don't know.

H: Please consider waiting six more months.

Me: I'll think about it.

H moves in for a kiss, I turn my head. He kisses my cheek and I step back.

Sigh.

Not surprised in the slightest TG. Don't let him off the hook now.

Denver

[Endeavour]

I have been riding on it for a long time now, and you know what, it goes in circles: Destination Nowhere.

Yep, next stop after that is Drama Island.

I used to be so sweet and now I am becoming sarcastic and jaded.

Nah, maybe you're just finding the humour in the situation. Sometimes it's healthier than crying. It's not funny when it's your life but it is what it is...

And you can be sweet and sarcastic. I'd like to think I am.

[thatgirl007]

A few months ago, it occurred to me that my GAL'ing wasn't working. Not so much for H, because, yes, it was accomplishing the goal of getting his attention in ways that I hadn't before. But GAL'ing wasn't working for me. Because I was doing things that I did not necessarily want to do.

Sometimes when we GAL, we are desperate and a bit panicky, which is natural in this situation. So, we launch ourselves into these roles that we weren't really meant to play in the hopes of getting our spouses back.

In my case, I went to parties. I'm not a party girl. I went to bars. I don't like going to bars. I went to hockey games. Who knew that I actually do like hockey ? I accepted lots of invitations when I would rather have stayed home and curled up with a good book.

Then, it dawned on me. I'm not that girl. And if I'm not, what does it accomplish me to pretend that I am? Just because I would rather read than interact with probably 90% of the human population, that doesn't make me a bad person. It just might make me the kind of person that H doesn't want to be married to. And in that, there is nothing for me to fix.

What GAL'ing should really mean for me is doing things I love to do, living my life the way I really want to live it and embracing who I really am. So, I am accepting a lot less invitations nowadays. The kind I am accepting are the ones where I spend quality time with people I really like being around, usually one-on-one or in small groups, with lots of good food that I've probably picked out or prepared. There's lots of rambling conversations, long, long walks and lots and lots of books.

Sometimes, getting a life for me has simply meant opening a book, curling up with my cat and sipping tea. Because, to me, that's a really good time. It makes me happy. And the ultimate goal of GAL'ing, is not to shock and awe your spouse into paying attention to you, but it's about getting really happy in your own skin.

[LearningPatience]

TG, how about looking at this in a slightly different way. GAL'ing was working for you, as you were trying new and/or different things and you found what you liked and did not like. You don't like bars, check; you do like hockey (because you are cool:), check. GAL isn't just about finding what you like, it's about the exploration and insights too.

You're absolutely correct that GAL isn't about the 'shock and awe', it's about, well, getting a life, one that you can be proud of. It sounds like you're doing pretty well at that!

[jbnati]

TG, I think you now have a great and healthy perspective on GAL'ing. For me, it seems like I am GAL'ing to find myself and it sounds like that's where you are now. It's an opportunity to try some new things you've never tried before. What our spouses think should not factor into the equation. By doing the GAL'ing, you are not at home sulking in misery.

[a girl]

TG - I think you're right - we have this vision in our head of what "GAL" means, and then we try to conform to it.

Once I stopped trying to "force" myself to do things often considered "fun", I actually started having fun. That's when I realised that my idea of fun is a casual happy hour with friends, or curling up with some tea and a good book, or watching telly shows online while chatting with some close friends - nothing huge and grand, but it's amazing how much better it made me feel.

[~¤DG¤~]

TG, I think you now have a great and healthy perspective on GAL'ing. For me, it seems like I am GAL'ing to find myself and it sounds like that's where you are now. It's an opportunity to try some new things you've never tried before. What our spouses think should not factor into the equation. By doing the GAL'ing, you are not at home sulking in misery.

I agree. At first I thought GAL'ing was more about making my H jealous and living the high life. I found I wasn't having fun. I refuse to be a bar fly. I admit, I do go out with my girlfriends sometimes, but it is because I want to, not because I am being someone I am not.
I'm trying to figure out who I am.

[ncl]

A few months ago, it occurred to me that my GAL'ing wasn't working. Not so much for H, because, yes, it was accomplishing the goal of getting his attention in ways that I hadn't before. But GAL'ing wasn't working for me. Because I was doing things that I did not necessarily want to do.

Sometimes when we GAL, we are desperate and a bit panicky, which is natural in this situation. So, we launch ourselves into these roles that we weren't really meant to play in the hopes of getting our spouses back.

In my case, I went to parties. I'm not a party girl. I went to bars. I don't like going to bars. I went to hockey games. Who knew that I actually do like hockey ? I accepted lots of invitations when I would rather have stayed home and curled up with a good book.

Then, it dawned on me. I'm not that girl. And if I'm not, what does it accomplish me to pretend that I am? Just because I would rather read than interact with probably 90% of the human population, that doesn't make me a bad person. It just might make me the kind of person that H doesn't want to be married to. And in that, there is nothing for me to fix.

What GAL'ing should really mean for me is doing things I love to do, living my life the way I really want to live it and embracing who I really am. So, I am accepting a lot less invitations nowadays. The kind I am accepting are the ones where I spend quality time with people I really like being around, usually one-on-one or in small groups, with lots of good food that I've probably picked out or prepared. There's lots of rambling conversations, long, long walks and lots and lots of books.

Sometimes, getting a life for me has simply meant opening a book, curling up with my cat and sipping tea. Because, to me, that's a really good time. It makes me happy. And the ultimate goal of GAL'ing, is not to shock and awe your spouse into paying attention to you, but it's about getting really happy in your own skin.

YES, YES, YES!!! This is how I feel exactly. I'm all for trying new things and meeting new people, but I also know what I like and who I like. If this hardship has taught me anything, it's that I don't have to waste time being around people I don't enjoy and doing things I don't enjoy. I stopped agreeing to EVERYTHING and trying to please EVERYONE, and wow...my life is so much better now that I'm not constantly running around non-stop trying to do it all.

[MrBond]

GAL just means to "get a life". What kind of life that is, is up to you. Some have re-discovered hobbies that they abandoned when they got married or found new ones. No one says you have to do something you don't want to.